You shouldn’t have to tell him to call you!

Posted on March 1, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Victor Habbick/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Okay, ladies. Be honest, how many times have you found yourself asking the man you’re dating to call you?

Have you had to suggest that a man calls you even if he won’t be seeing you that particular day?

Well, if you’ve found yourself telling the man your dating to call you, let it be the last time!

The truth is, if you have to tell a man to call you, one, he’s not thinking about you; two, you’re not a priority to him; and three, he might not actually like you.

Maybe you had a bunch of dates that you thought were great while he felt that the dates were mediocre.

Ultimately, if you continue trying to force a relationship with a man that barely shows you any interest, you may actually end up in a relationship with this man, but you certainly won’t be happy in it.

If a man can’t even put in effort to call you regularly, do you honestly believe that he will put effort into other aspects of your relationship?

In the end, you’ll be the one with feelings of resentment and hurt. Honestly, you can find any man to take you for granted and not put effort into dating you or having a good relationship with you.

So, why not try something different? If you’ve been doing the same things over and over again in your dating life and you haven’t gotten the results that you want, then step out of your comfort zone and try something new.

For example:

1. Stop trying to force men to call you.

2. Don’t call a man too much.

This way you can actually see whether he would even call you and how frequently.

3. Stop wasting time on men that don’t give or show you much attention.

Know the difference between a man lusting after you and a man having genuine interest in getting to know who you are!

4. Continue putting yourself out there and date new people.

5. Stop waiting for the phone to ring, make plans and live your life!!!

Give it a try!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Do you want to know how to marry a Rich man???

Posted on February 22, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Boykung/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Have you found that your one priority, in terms of dating, is that you find and marry a rich man?

Well, a woman asked how she could meet and marry a rich man and allegedly the CEO of JP Morgan responded to her questions. This is definitely something that every woman looking for a rich man needs to read!!!!!

Check it out here: A Letter From JP Morgan CEO to Gold Diggers

What are you thoughts on this? Were these not words of wisdom? Leave your comments below!!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Snooping: Who Really Wins?

Posted on February 16, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

This is a must read post from “Sarah on the Go.” One point in this post that really stuck out to me was, “Maybe when we find ourselves needing to know more, we should just know to move on.”

While I do agree with this, it’s imperative that you make a serious evaluation before deciding to leave your partner without solid or tangible proof of cheating.

What evaluation you ask? Well, before you decide to move on you need to be able to decipher and know the difference between general insecurity or jealousy and significant red flags that a woman should be genuinely concerned about.

If it’s just general insecurity making you want to snoop, then it’s time to do some much needed introspection and attack the real root of your insecurity.

However, if your insecurity stems from your partner’s actions that raise serious red flags, then this may not be a relationship that you should continue.

Check out this post from “Sarah on the Go:” Snooping: Who Really Wins?

Entry 7: Stop Giving up Your Life for Him!

Posted on February 15, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ladies, there is no reason why you should be giving up your family, friends and life for the man you are dating. Leaving your life behind for your new beaux and his life is foolish.

Be honest, how many times have you stopped seeing your own friends and given up your life for the man you are dating just for the relationship to end and feel like you have no friends and no life?

Let’s be real, we have all been there at least once in our lives! And, wasn’t it really hard to re-establish those close friendships and bonds you had before you disappeared into your relationship? Are there some friendships that you never got back?

How many of your friends gave up on calling you or trying to hang out with you once you immersed yourself into a new relationship?

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Forget Your Loved Ones

The truth is, when a relationship is more serious, of course you won’t see friends and family as often, but you should never stop communicating with the people that have always been there for you and loved you long before you met your new beaux!

Don’t forget, your friends and family can miss you when you’re in a relationship, so don’t forget to keep up with them and stay in touch!

If you can’t see them, fine! But, at least CALL or TEXT!! Its 2014! There are way too many technological advances out there for anyone to have any excuse for not keeping in touch.

When you take the time to keep up with family and the friendships you cultivated long before your new boo came along, you’ll find it’s much easier not to be overly available to the new guy your dating.

Scarcity Increases Demand

It’s true that your scarcity will increase a man’s desire for you. It’s the whole concept of supply and demand. For example, if there’s a high supply of something, the demand for it will not be as high.

But, when something is scarce, when there is a low supply of something, the demand for that thing goes through the roof!

I personally think that this concept directly applies to dating. The more available you are, the less someone will actually want to see you.

However, if you’re hard to see, if you’re hard to lock down for a date, a man will constantly be trying to fit himself into your schedule.

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Develop Interests

If you don’t have friends, family, or things to do outside of work, then you need to get a hobby! For real!! Find something to do with your time.

Find something that interests you or stimulates your mind. You could go to Barnes and Nobles and just wander through the sections for a good book to read.

Find a hobby you enjoy like blogging, podcasting, hiking, volunteering, or whatever may interest you.

If the only thing that interests you is men, then start going to dating seminars, read self-help and dating books. Do something!

You need to have a life (or act like you have a life) because if you don’t, you’ll give a man the impression that he has to create a life for you and keep your needy behind occupied 24/7!

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Delicate Balance

Remember though, it’s actually a very delicate balance that must be maintained between not being overly available and showing that you do have genuine interest in a man.

Today, on my podcast, my male guest on the show said that you shouldn’t be too available, however, you don’t want a man to read your unavailability as not being interested in him.

He made a great point! You should never be unavailable altogether or be overly hard to reach because a man could easily think that you just aren’t interested in him.

So, be sure to balance your availability to men so they do understand that you are interested in them, but that you also have a life (i.e. work, family, and friends to keep up with).

In fact, if you stick to keeping a life of your own instead of dropping all your relationships for a new man, you may start to feel like you can’t even accommodate all the time your man wants to spend with you!

Image courtesy of Adamr/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Take Caution With Single Friends

Be cautious of making too much time for your single friends. The truth is, single people have the most free time and if you prioritize seeing them in most of their free time, you could actually hurt your relationship.

You definitely don’t want your man to feel like he comes second to your friends. He just needs to know that you need to see your friends every so often because they are important to you too.

Your friends deserve some attention, but they can’t have most or all of it. Remember to maintain that balance between your life and your relationships.

You Want More?

If you want to hear more on this topic and get the male perspective, check out my podcast on this topic at Dee’s Dating Diary Podcast or download this episode here: Download episode

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

The Last

Posted on February 13, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

This video is amazing!

Welcome to my world.

Awwwww this video is so cute… You should watch this if you are as romantic as I am! : ) – or if you’re a guy and you want to say the sweetest thing ever to the girl you love.

Seriously, when I watched this video, I had this huge smile on my face and sparkles in the eyes… I’m not kidding!

I want to meet a guy that will make my heart melt like the one in the video! I want to fall in love with “the good guy” who will be able to make me smile everyday, who will understand me, protect me, be there for me… I think every girl want to find a guy like that, right?

Yes… I am this kind of girl who is still waiting for the perfect prince charming ahah! I am sure he is somewhere in this world : ) – Don’t…

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Five Can’t-Miss Suggestions to Design the Perfect Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 13, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Check out these great suggestions for Valentine’s Day!!

Emotionally Unavailable? Should You Be Dating?

Posted on February 13, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

This is a great post by the Single Dating Diva! She addressed whether you should still date if you are emotionally unavailable.

I believe that you should still date when you are emotionally unavailable, in fact, I think it’s a great idea to continue dating! This is so that you can take note of any bad habits or negative attitudes you have developed as a result of your traumatic experiences or emotional unavailability.

By knowing and understanding your behavior and where it stems from you can work on changing or downplaying those behaviors in the future.

I think it’s easy to pick up and ingrain negative habits and attitudes as a result of the bad experiences we have gone through. Unfortunately, some of these bad habits will stick with us long after the heartache is gone. So, we definitely have to be cognizant of ourselves in this respect.

Our dates shouldn’t be more aware of our negative behaviors than ourselves. In order to change, in order to be better, we first have to know what the problem is. We have to know what is holding us back.

This is a great post, check out the Single Dating Diva’s Blog for the full post!!

Coach Suzie

There are so many things to consider when you’re meeting someone new. You have to determine if you’re attracted to them, decipher if you have a connection with them, gauge your overall interest in them … but there’s one thing you can’t tell, not right away at least, you can’t tell if they’re emotionally available. This could be related to, but not exactly the same as, baggage. Being emotionally available is being open and ready to enter into a relationship with someone. Emotional availability can help or hinder a prospective relationship. It’s a component of the glue, if you will, that holds things together. How? Well, let me explain.

Emotional Availability – A Definition

I recently came across this article called How to Spot Emotional Unavailability and the author spoke about the ways you can determine whether or not someone is emotionally unavailable and I completely agree and wanted…

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You Can’t See Him Everyday

Posted on February 11, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

You shouldn’t be seeing the new man you’re dating every single day of the week for a number of reasons. But, most importantly, you’ll probably have a false sense of knowing who he really is.

Seeing your new beau every day of the week, or trying to see him every day of the week because most likely he’s not trying to be sitting up under you everyday of the week, will also allow a man to get to know you much quicker than he really should.

He may even start to think you may be clingy and need a lot of attention and, ultimately, he may become disinterested and move on.

Don’t Force It

If you call a man everyday to hang out with you and he actually accepts every time, you’ll still never know whether he would have called you everyday to see YOU.

You’ll never know how strongly he really feels about you if you’re always the one putting in the effort to contact him. What if another woman had called him to hang out before you? Are you sure he wouldn’t have accepted her invitation?

My point is just that, we have to pull back. You have to stop trying to force something between you and a man and let nature take it’s course.

Wait to see if he even wants to spend this much time with you. If he doesn’t try to see you often or frequently, then maybe he doesn’t feel that strongly about you and maybe you shouldn’t put too much stock into him.

Wait, HE Wants to See You Everyday!

But, maybe he’s the one that tries to see you everyday. If so, that’s great!! However, you still can’t see him everyday. You, as the woman, need to set the tone here.

He’s not going to lose interest in you because you want to take one or two days out of the week to catch up with your friends and family.

Why is it that a man can get to know who a woman is extremely quickly, but it sometimes takes women forever to know who a man really is?

Well, this is because men don’t put everything out on the table immediately after meeting someone as most women do. Hold some of yourself back!!

Why should you be giving more of yourself than a man is giving you? That’s crazy! And, you’ll be the one with the broken heart in the end if you pursue someone who isn’t giving you much of themselves.

It’s A Process

In dating, getting to know each other should be a slower process than what we are seeing play out in dating today. You are not supposed to get to know someone overnight.

In fact, you can’t really get to know someone quickly, and certainly not overnight. You really learn who people are in time. A lot of character traits are revealed over a length of time, like several months, whether revealing that trait was intentional or not.

Hindsight Is 20/20

Haven’t you dated a man and thought you knew him and after the relationship ends, you’re sitting there wondering, “Who was this man?” That’s because you never really knew who he was in the first place.

As you replay the relationship over and over in your head, you eventually discover all the subtleties that were letting you know who you were dating.

Maybe you ignored significant red flags or maybe he was really good at hiding them. Either way, taking the time to really get to know him might have helped you pass this man up and save yourself some heartache.

Categorizing Men

As women, a lot of times we try to learn who a man is quickly and “categorize” him so to say. Once we feel like we “know” who a man is, that’s it. We stick to that notion until it literally has to be ripped from us by the contradiction of a man’s actions.

After we have categorized a man or pigeon-holed him into being the man we want, we fall for the person we created in our minds, not the person that exists before us.

I say “create” because we never really took the time to get to know the man we jumped headfirst into a relationship with.

And, when we look back on the relationship, sometimes we seem to forget that WE forced OUR image or our perception of who this man is on him. We created this reality, not him.

Slow Down

So, instead, of trying to get to know a man too quickly and categorize him where he doesn’t belong, slow down and take the necessary time to get to know someone. It won’t happen in a day, a week, or a month.

You can’t get to know a man in just days or weeks, look at it as a process, a dance, a play if you would. Characters in plays and movies are developed through the course of the show, in time.

True relationships in the real world are built over time as well. Take your time getting to know a man and give him time to SHOW you who he is.

The Rules Book

According to The Rules: Time-tested Secrets to Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, you should never see a man more than 5-6 times a week unless you’re married. I do agree with this rule, but only to a certain extent.

Obviously, once you’ve been dating for a significant amount of time, you will start seeing each other almost everyday.

But, I don’t believe that every single week you can only see your beaux 5-6 times. I think you can spend an entire week together, however, the next week you shouldn’t see him everyday.

My Rule

So, my rule is really that you can see your man 6-7 times in one week, however, you can’t do this consecutively or have back to back weeks where you’re seeing him every day of the week!

You have to break up the weeks where you see your boyfriend everyday with a week where you only see him a few times. This way, you can still maintain a life of your own, he won’t get overly bored with you, and also won’t feel like he “has” you in the bag and stop putting in effort with you.

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Bloom

Posted on February 9, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Coco J. Ginger Says

In order to bloom the flower, she needed dirt and darkness.

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First Date Tips: Dating Red Flags

Posted on February 9, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Coach Suzie

First-Date-Tips It’s been a crazy few weeks. I’ve not only been super busy with work, there’s my blog, my business and the podcast. Wow, crazy. But, I love every minute of it. You might be wondering how I find time for dating but I do. Actually, I love meeting new people and I’ve gone on a lot of first dates lately. Yes, lots of first dates that didn’t go anywhere else for whatever reason, mostly because we didn’t have a connection and that’s perfectly OK. Others I would have loved to see again but it wasn’t in the cards. That’s perfectly OK too, just because you felt a connection doesn’t mean they did.

People put too much pressure on a first date when really it’s just that first contact to see if you want to proceed to the next level, a “pre-date” if you will. That’s why coffee or a…

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Love doesn’t hurt

Posted on February 8, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

No relationship is perfect and every relationship needs work, but real love does not equal pain and suffering.

The Pink Elephant Room

I’ve been single and dating for about 35 years. I cannot begin to count the number of hours I’ve spent first revisiting each thrilling moment with whomever was my newest love interest and then, soon enough, miserably dissecting the meaning behind his every word and action looking for a clue about how he felt and where our relationship was going.

For me, the first flush of “love” was so heady, a giggle in my tummy, a big, old endorphin rush, brain-soaking-in-chemicals, walking-on-air high. I would be obsessed and infatuated and fully charged. The feeling was deliciously addictive and it was easy to want to fall in “love” with that mysterious, smouldering stranger or smiling sweetie who made me feel soooooo good.

But here’s the trouble with highs and addictions – they have a dark side. The high doesn’t last forever. Eventually I’d crash. I’d hurt. I’d be confused, needy, exposed…

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For Cheaters and Those Who Have Been Betrayed

Posted on February 8, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Affair Resources and Advice

My Blog has a purpose: To help others while helping me deal with me. It’s part of my personal penance. So let me summarize what I’ve said to others before.

If you think in any way I’m excusing affairs. I’m not. Let me be completely frank about affairs: They are 100% WRONG!

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Love

Posted on February 2, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

This post gives hope for women who are wondering if their ex ever looked back and regretted his behavior or actions. This kind of honesty is refreshing!!

The diary of a modern man

Here I am, on a nice sunday, with a beer in my hand , thinking about how my life totally went the opposite way I had imagined it would be.

It’s quite funny, because I was watching “How I met your mother”, it was the time travel episode, and at the end, Ted Mosby pulls the legendary speech to his wife ( the mother ) which was very very touching ( implying indirectly that the mother is dead in the future ).

I got so touched by it, that it made my whole mood down and then I started thinking about my love life and how having no one is the main reason of my sorrow currently.

Love is a wonderful thing. I can assure you that. We were made for this. When you are young, all what you think about is sex. When you start growing up, you still…

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No More Last Minute Dates!

Posted on February 2, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

More and more men seem to think it is okay to ask women out on a date with less than 30 minutes notice!

While I don’t agree with this, obviously there are enough women accepting these last minute dates or hang outs that men now feel comfortable and confident in doing this.

You Don’t KNOW Him

A man shouldn’t feel comfortable inviting himself to your place at the last minute.

Texting, “Hey, I’m in your neighborhood, can I come by” is not cool! Why didn’t he ask you if you wanted to hang out any earlier??

Well, it’s because he never planned on hanging out with you that night in the first place. If a man likes a woman and he actually wants to see her, he will try lock her down for a date long before the night of the date itself.

Truthfully, why on earth should a man that barely knows you feel confident enough to call you at 8pm on a Friday night to see you in an hour? It’s disrespectful in my opinion. I could have other plans or just be enjoying a night to myself.

If a man is calling or texting you at night to see you that night, this should be a huge red flag to you!!

Disclaimer: This definitely doesn’t apply once you’ve been dating for awhile or are exclusive with each other. This only applies to the beginning stages of dating.

Time to Primp & Pamper

Why aren’t you worth him putting some forethought into asking you out? Why don’t you deserve the respect of having, at a minimum, 24 hours notice before a date?

You deserve to have time to take a shower, make your hair look fabulous, pick the perfect outfit, and do your make up flawlessly! Every woman should be able to primp and pamper herself to the extent that she likes before any date.

You deserve a man that wants to plan out a date more than just a few hours in advance. Of course, once you’ve been on several dates spontaneity will be a great thing!

But, first, he has to show you that he does have respect for you in every sense of the word. And this includes, understanding that your personal free time is precious and that other people want it too.

Respect

Remember, your time is valuable regardless of whether you are spending it watching Housewives, hiking up a mountain, or simply blogging. And, he needs to know that as well.

A man will respect you more if you set boundaries for yourself. If you act like you can be walked all over and used like a rag doll, you will be. Show a man that he needs to treat you with respect if you aren’t getting it from the start.

If a man calls or texts you at the last minute and actually gets to see you, he will think you are easy and definitely won’t put any more effort into getting to know you, let alone give you much more notice for future dates.

He surely won’t respect you.

Last Minute = Last Choice

Most of the time, if a man is trying to see you at the last minute, you were his last option.

I know every woman in this world wants a man that looks at her like his first, most preferable option. No woman wants to be a man’s back up or last resort!

If you can’t be honest enough with yourself to admit that, then you definitely are not ready to change those things that may be holding you back in your dating life.

Yesterday, I had a male guest on my podcast and when we discussed last minute dates, he said something that really resonated with me. He said, “Last minute equals last choice!” This is straight from the horses mouth ladies!

Don’t Answer Your Phone on Friday and Saturday Nights

Obviously, if you’re getting a call or text on Friday or Saturday night you weren’t nearly at the top of a man’s mind.

If you just recently met, a man doesn’t actually KNOW you and should think you are busy having fun with friends or whoever on your weekend.

Even if you aren’t out with friends or on dates, maybe you’re busy with hobbies, elevating your career, blogging, or podcasting!

Either way, don’t answer his call or respond to his text. Why? Because you’re out living your life, hanging out with your friends, or just enjoying your “me time.”

By doing this and not accepting last minute dates, you will let him know that if he wants to see you he will actually have to ask to see you in advance.

No one wants to be that girl that all the guys know will answer her phone at 10pm on a Friday or Saturday night.

Return His Call or Text Later

Please don’t think I’m asking you to ignore a man’s communication altogether, I’m not saying that.

You can return his call or text hours later or the next morning and let him know you were out or busy. Keep it vague, you barely know this guy and he doesn’t need to know your every last movement despite your yearning to tell him.

For those who may see this as lying or being dishonest, I think you should really be looking at it more as holding yourself back and not giving yourself wholly and completely to someone upfront. Take time to let someone get to know you.

The Rules Book

Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, authors of The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing The Heart of Mr. Right, say that you should never accept a date for Friday or Saturday night after Wednesday.

I like this rule, but, I tweaked it. I believe that you can accept a weekend date if you’re asked by Thursday, but it depends on how much genuine interest the man has shown.

If you feel like he’s a good guy and is showing real interest in you, you can accept a weekend date if he asks on Thursday.

However, if you’re already getting the feeling that this guy might be a player or he’s “running game on you,” don’t make exceptions to this rule.

How It Works

Most of the time, by the second or third time you turn a man down for a last minute date, he will start asking you out in advance!

For the men that don’t… Well, they weren’t interested in anything serious in the first place and were just looking for some easy play.

And to these men, wish them adieu because that’s not what you’re looking for and they were never going to give you the respect you deserved anyway!

You Want More?

To hear the full discussion on this topic and hear the male perspective for yourself, check out my podcast! It’s Dee’s Dating Diary Podcast or download the episode here: Download episode

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Entry 6: Where Has Courtship Gone?? Pt.2

Posted on February 1, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

One of the reasons that courtship is nearly extinct is because women have made it way too easy for men. There are several ways that women make themselves too available to men and, ultimately, help promote men’s lack of effort in dating and courting women.

Unfortunately, it’s going to take a collective effort from women to get the change we want from men as a whole. One woman alone, can’t inspire the change we want in men as a whole.

There’s several different things we can do as women to start getting men to put effort into dating and courting us. The underlying concept in each point is that women have to be less available to men in the early stages of dating.

For this post, we will just discuss one point, answering every phone call you get from a man.

Answering Every Phone Call

For some reason, we seem to feel that if our phone rings and we see the call, we MUST pick up the phone. Well, this is the exact opposite of what should happen when you first start dating someone.

You should never be so available to a man you just started dating that you answer every single phone call he makes regardless of whether you are busy or just sitting on the couch.

Compulsion to Answer Your Phone

I know we naturally feel some sort of compulsion to answer a man’s phone call as if we would never hear from him again if we didn’t answer, but that’s actually not the case.

What happens when you call a guy you’re dating and he doesn’t pick up the phone and call you back right away? Do you not think about him constantly until he finally calls you back? Do you not wonder what he is doing? Do you not stress about whether he saw your call and ignored it or if he is legitimately busy?

Well, the same questions run across a man’s mind when you don’t pick up his phone call and call him back right away.

It’s good to let a man think about you and wonder what you’re doing. He may actually think about you more if you don’t pick up his call than if you answer his call, talk to him for 15 minutes, and don’t speak for another day or so.

Develop An Attachment

I personally think that forcing a man to think about you, by not answering his every phone call, helps him slowly develop an attachment to you.

Don’t you find that the men you think about the most are the same men you desire the most and feel the strongest about? Interesting huh!

The more you think about someone or something, the more you get attached to it (or the idea of it). Therefore, by forcing a man to think about you more than he normally would, you are essentially forcing him to start developing an attachment to you.

Force Him to Think About You

From my experience, I can truthfully say that I thought about a man a whole lot more when he didn’t answer my call, even if he was someone I knew I didn’t want to pursue dating.

When guys didn’t pick up some of my friends phone calls, they would say stuff like, “Wow, I can’t believe this fool didn’t pick up my call and I was willing to spend my Saturday with him as lame as he is!”

So, my point is, whether you are even interested in a man or not, when he doesn’t answer your call you WILL think about him. So, make the guy you’re dating think about you; whether he wants to or not!

Disclaimer: When I say don’t answer every phone call, I do not mean don’t return his call at all. You definitely need to return his call, just wait a few hours. But, never wait more than 24 hours to return a phone call.

Look Like You Have a Life

It’s also a good thing to miss a phone call here and there so you don’t come off as having no kind of life whatsoever.

The truth is, men want a woman that other people want. They want a woman that people like, that people want to hang out with, that people desire. If no one wants to talk to you or see you, why would a man?

What kind of men do you tend to want the most? Is it the guy that you think is a couch potato who seems to have no friends and no life or is it the guy that seems to have an exciting life and friends that love him and can’t get enough of his time?

Well, this is my point. A man wants a woman that looks like she’s enjoying her life. He doesn’t want a woman that he thinks he will have to create a life for or include her in everything he does.

Perception is Reality

Whether your life is exciting, fulfilled, or boring, PERCEPTION IS REALITY. How a man perceives you is what he will believe you are, whether his perception is accurate or not.

And a man’s perception of you will guide his decision to date you, put effort into getting to know you, pursue something serious with you, or just make you a “late night creep” option.

So, you definitely want a man to THINK that you have a life and friends, even if you don’t.

Obviously, after a while of dating, a man will learn who you really are, but hopefully by that point he likes you or has fallen for you so that the fact that you have no friends and are just a couch potato won’t be a deal breaker for him.

You Want More?

For the full conversation on this topic, check out my podcast! Dee’s Dating Diary Podcast or download the episode here: Download episode

Stay tuned this upcoming week as I bring you more tips on how women can bring courtship back!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

You Don’t Deserve a Good Man…Yet!!

Posted on January 31, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

A lot of women put off working on themselves because they feel like “Well, if I’m not in a relationship, what’s the point?” “Who am I working on myself for?”

Well the answer to that question is YOU!

Are You a Good Woman?

Every woman wants a good man, but let’s face it: A good man deserves a good woman, period!

Get yourself together now so that when you’re ready to take that big step, a good man will be ready to take it with you!

Self-Defeating Behavior

We have to stop saying things like, “Well, it’s obvious this guy doesn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with me so why should I change myself??” Or “I’m not looking for anything serious, I just want to date and have fun!”

Well, when you’re done having all that fun, those habits you’ve developed and ingrained into your way of life may be the same habits that keep you from finding and keeping a good man.

If your not interested in fixing your faults or bad habits because you’re not in a relationship or whatever the excuse, here is your reality check:

You still need to work on yourself because bad habits are hard to break and if you don’t start at least trying and practicing now, there’s not much of a chance that you’ll change years down the line!

Practice, Practice, Practice!

Ladies, we all know that it’s hardest to play it cool or follow “the rules” when you are REALLY into a man or have already categorized him as “the one.”

So, you really need to practice not doing those bad habits that get you labeled as “the stalker,”or the “crazy girl” or whatever your kryptonite is. Once you’ve been practicing for awhile, it won’t be as hard to stop yourself from doing those things you know you shouldn’t do.

There’s no need to fall apart and moan about everything you think you are not. Instead, focus on becoming the person that you yourself would want to date.

While some women are aware of the flaws and bad habits that hinder them in the dating world, many women are not. Either way, we all need to continuously work on ourselves for the better.

What is Working on Yourself?

When I say “work on ourselves,” I mean we need to do some serious introspective evaluations to determine what our bad habits or flaws are and better understand those characteristics that are holding us back in dating, love and life in general.

Perhaps, you’re extremely needy and clingy, or overly distant. Or, your first dates with men are more like interviews or interrogations more so than actual dates.

Do your insecurities or lack of self-esteem lead to you chasing men away with your jealousy or constant need for reassurance and attention?

Maybe you consciously or unconsciously let men know that you are ready to settle down and have kids like yesterday! Regardless of whether a man is actively looking for marriage, kids, and the whole shebang, you can scare him off by putting marriage and kids on the table on the first few dates. This reeks desperation!

Whatever your flaws may be, you yourself need to know what they are! That’s the only way you’ll be able to work on changing them or learn how to downplay them so they don’t negatively affect your life.

Not Everything Can Be Changed

Now, I realize that not every character flaw or bad habit can necessarily be changed, but it can be downplayed! And, for the habits that can be changed, why not change them?

Regardless of whether you’re casually dating, dating the wrong man, or not dating at all, you have to work on yourself!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Related Articles You May Like

Emotionally Unavailable? Should You Be Dating?

Revenge: Why It’s Not Worth It

Having A Sense of Humor As An Adult

21 Pieces Of Relationship “Advice” You Should Always Ignore

Posted on January 31, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Plenty of these “tips” should be ignored!!! My favorite was “You can’t expect [insert act of basic human decency here] from men. They’re hopeless.”

This is hilarious! Why shouldn’t we expect basic human decency from men?? It’s time to stop cutting men so much slack that they can get away with having no human decency! Great post! Thanks for the laughs!

Access the full article here: 21 Pieces of Relationship Advice you Should Always Ignore

Focusing on the Process not the Dating Outcomes

Posted on January 29, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

It really is time to start slowing down the dating process and enjoying the ride instead of making it a long term examination that a man has to pass.

Coach Suzie

Focusing on the Process NOT the Dating Outcomes

I don’t know about you, but often times I get caught up in the looking at the finish line that I don’t even notice anything else that’s going on around me. I’m like that a lot in everything I do, I just want to get to my goal as fast as I can. I’ve also noticed that in my personal life as well. I sometimes am so focused on the finish line, getting where I want to be that forget to stop and smell the roses and just “be” where I’m at. I’m not the only one. Most people are like that.

It took me a while to realize that. It was one of the main reasons that I married the wrong person way back when. I was so focused on being “the bride” and fitting into the “box” that I turned a blind eye to many red flags. The…

View original post 671 more words

Are You Dating a Player? Some Red Flags …

Posted on January 29, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

There are so many red flags men exhibit that us women tend to ignore in the beginning stages of dating (and well into the relationships until they become serious problems).

I think we have all been guilty of ignoring or rationalizing away red flags at some point or another in order to feel comfortable continuing to date the wrong man. The more we acknowledge the red flags, the more we can consciously avoid them. This is a great post!!

Check out my podcast to hear some more red flags you can watch for: Dee’s Dating Diary Podcast

Coach Suzie

There are 23 Red Flags That You’re Dating A Player.

Do You Know Them All?

Here Are Just a Few of Them …

You Have Never Met Any of His Friends.

This is the first serious give away that you’re being played. When a man is serious about his new woman, and is proud to be with her, he will take her everywhere he can, to show her off to his friends. Men are very competitive by nature, so it’s in his DNA to want to brag to his friends and show off his “new girl.”

Wait a few weeks to see what he does. In the first few weeks of a relationship, especially if it’s a whirlwind romance, you two are going to be in such a deep infatuation stage that you won’t come up for air for a while.
Once you’ve been dating a few weeks, see if…

View original post 647 more words

Biggest Mistakes Betrayed Spouses Make Recovering From an Affair

Posted on January 28, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Great post!!!

Affair Resources and Advice

This blog entry is on mistakes that Betrayed Spouses routinely make during marital recovery. Blunders and errors of judgment that make it unlikely that a marriage will not only survive an affair.. I wrote it after reading blog after blog by Betrayed Spouses who seem to be doing all in their power to sabotage marital recovery and don’t realize it. From my reading, thought and research, I came up with what I think are 21 things to avoid if you want your marriage to survive and thrive after an affair.

View original post 3,649 more words

Why Do We Cheat?

Posted on January 27, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

I agree that the reasons for cheating are not necessarily one size fits all. There are definitely various different reasons why people cheat. Check out this article to learn why men cheat.

Affair Resources and Advice

Sexual infidelity is one of humanity’s great obsessions, perhaps second only to violence. We abhor it, yet we want to hear all about it. We love the topic. It’s on the news, the web, movies, and on TV. We can’t get enough of it. But while we often get the details of “who” the infidelity involves and “how” it was carried off, the question of “why” is the most vexing.

View original post 3,332 more words

Entry 5: Be the Woman he Wants to Conquer: Courtship, Where has it Gone?? Pt. 1

Posted on January 25, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Where has Courtship Really Gone??

The reality is, men don’t want a woman that is 100% available to them when they first meet and in the early dating stages. Men really do love to chase a woman. But why is courtship nearly extinct?

So many women are giving away their cookies for, pretty much, nothing and making it extremely easy for men to use and discard them.

Majority of the time, the man hasn’t taken the women out and courted her the way that he should, and he hasn’t even agreed to be in an exclusive relationship with the woman.

But, us women devalue ourselves, feeling that it’s okay that the guy doesn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with us or that he wants to continue dating other people and still see you!

Or if he refuses to put legitimate effort into dating and courting you, you rationalize it by saying, “Well he’s paying back a lot of student loans.”

Or ” he’s starting his own business so he doesn’t have much spending money” or maybe you said the time old “he just doesn’t make much money, so I can’t expect him to use any money to take me out.”

But the truth is, you want a man that feels strongly enough about you that he’ll let his money get a little tight just to put a smile on your face.

Once we devalue ourselves, so do men. We have to show men that we will not give up our cookies and treat them like a boyfriend or husband when they can’t even go out of their way to do the standard courteous things a man is supposed to do for a woman he just starts to date.

Men have it all now a days. They can have their cake and eat it too! They can sleep with as many women as they want and have each and every one of those women catering to the man and doing for him, basically, what a girlfriend or wife does for her man.

Women outnumber men and because we feel that scarcity of the availability of “good men” or just men period, we compromise every last thing we want in a man and in a relationship just so we can finally say that we have a “boyfriend” or “husband.”

So what do we do about this dating dilemma that plagues our society?

Well, we as women have to get it together as a whole. It’s hard to get respect as one woman when every other woman allows themselves to be disrespected or taken advantage of by men.

Its almost like the standard is that most men WILL disrespect you in some way when you’re first dating!

And you, as the woman, have to let him know that you will not tolerate being disrespected. This way you get the respect that you rightfully deserve!

So, if us women could come together and collectively decide that we will not allow any men to treat us with anything less than respect and courtesy, then men as a whole will start to treat us more respectively.

But, we ALL have to put our foot down. If many of us still allow men to disrespect us, take advantage us, or make us “the other women,” then men will glady accept that and continue to expect that from many of us!!

For more on this subject and to hear the male perspective on this topic, please tune into my podcast at http://www.deesdatingdiary.podomatic.com or you can download this episode here: Download episode

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Perfect Place to Meet Men!

Posted on January 21, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When talking about how to meet new men, I always think about this one story I heard growing up:

There’s this woman who REALLY wants a good man to come into her life!! So everyday she gets down on her knees and prays to God, “God, please bring a good man into my life!!”

But after months and years of praying she starts to feel like God DOESN’T want to answer her prayers. So she prays even harder, “God PLEASE bring a good man into my life, I’m a good person!! Why won’t you bring me a good man???”

And all of a sudden, God spoke to her and said, “How can I bring you a good man if you never leave your home???”

I don’t know why I always think of this story when the subject is how to meet men, but I do think the story makes a good point that, ultimately, you have to continue to put yourself out there.

Because once you give up on putting yourself out there, you’ve given up on that possibility of a good man coming into your life.

A great thing you could try to do to meet good men is to start volunteering. You’ll start to see that there are good men out there in this world.

Maybe you’ll find your next love while you’re getting sweaty building a house. And you might even snag a secret millionaire who loves to give back!!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Entry 4: Phone Etiquette Pt. 3- Sexting!!

Posted on January 18, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Sexting is basically when you take sexy or sexually explicit photos of yourself and send them to other people by text or email. Is this idea of sending risqué or sexy photos a new phenomena? Not at all!!!

So, how did adults and young teens exchange pictures in the past? Richard Chalfen, the author of “‘It’s only a picture’: sexting, ‘smutty’ snapshots and felony charges,” says that young couples actually used to swap pictures of themselves in skimpy swimsuits through regular mail.

And do you remember the polaroid camera people?? We’ve all taken a selfie with a polaroid camera at some point in our lives (not necessarily a nude one). Well, I guess that’s if you were alive when the polaroid camera was hot!

Chalfen also said that polaroid cameras encouraged the exchange of “risqué” pictures because couples did not have to face any embarrassment from going to the corner drugstore to develop their pictures and possibly face punishment from law enforcement!!

Then, when the camcorder emerged, it was just another median for sexually explicit purposes. With the technological advancement of cell phones having digital cameras, sexting is really just the latest chapter in this Saga as Chalfen puts it.

Now that I understand the history behind the sharing of sexual pictures, I definitely agree with Chalfen that most people rarely see sexting as just another case of technology extending an activity or action that young people have engaged in for years.

Our generation has to raise kids in this technologically advanced era and what does this mean for us? Unfortunately, it means we can no longer just have the “sex” talk with our kids. We also have to have the “sexting” talk now too just to make sure our kids won’t destroy their future with nude pictures before their careers even start!

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy said that 71% of teen girls and 67% of teen boys admitted to sending or posting sexually suggestive content to a boyfriend or girlfriend. That sounds like a lot to me!

But obviously we know that some boy is receiving each girls sext, so why don’t these numbers match each other? Why are teen girls willing to admit to sexting more than the boys are? Just some interesting food for thought for you.

For the full conversation on sexting, download this episode now: Sexting

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Image courtesy of Patrisyu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Food For Thought: Text Flirting

Posted on January 12, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Atibodyphoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“When is it okay to text flirt without looking like you’re trying to give up the cookie early?”

When you flirt in a text message, you can’t be as subtle as you normally would be when flirting on the phone or in person. This is because your tone of voice, body language, and other subtleties aren’t conveyed in text messages.

Flirting In General

Flirting on the phone can be as a simple as answering a question in a more seductive or sexy voice. Flirting in person requires even less overtness because you can use your body language to flirt and show interest in a man without having to do much at all.

For example, orienting your body towards his by crossing your legs in his direction or sitting more closely to him is a subtle form of flirting that lets a man know that you’re interested in him or what he is saying without much effort on your part.

These kind of subtle cues allow us to exhibit a light, flirty side without coming off as being just interested in sex.

Flirting in Text Messages

Flirting can come in the simple form of body language, tone of voice, or through a play on words. However, when flirting takes place through text messaging, you have to be much more straight forward, suggestive, and blatant about your flirting so that it can actually come across as flirting to the recipient of the text.

This does pose a problem though, because now you have to figure out how to balance your desire to convey your flirting with your desire to not look like you are just about sex. When you text flirt, it is a lot easier to look overly sexified and seem like just a sex object to a man.

Unfortunately, once a man categorizes you into the “just sex” box, you literally will be just the girl he has sex with. While there are exceptions to the rule that once you’re labeled as just a girl to have sex with, that’s all you will ever be to him, we can’t all be the exception to the rule!

My Answer

Considering how easy it is to be labeled as just a sex object in general by man, it is very important that we wait a reasonable amount of time before engaging in text flirting with men.

In my personal opinion, I think women should hold off on text flirting with a man until at least after the third or fourth date.

Remember though, this doesn’t mean you can’t subtly flirt on the phone or in person. Just make sure that your flirting isn’t too sexified and over the top so that you can maintain respect in his eyes.

An effortless, but seductive batting of the eyes can even go a long way in showing your flirty side without the negative consequence of being labeled as just a sex object.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Podcast

If you want to hear more about texting as it relates to dating and relationships, check out my podcast at http://www.deesdatingdiary.podomatic.com