Date The Man You Want!!

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Often times, women are so eager to have a boyfriend or get married that they allow themselves to date the first man that comes along who is open to a relationship.

Unfortunately, many women fail to determine whether a man is a quality person, let alone the right man for them.

With their sights set on marriage and kids, some women will overlook the fact that a man lacks certain important qualities.

Date The Man You Actually Want!

What many women fail to realize is that who you date is ultimately who you marry.

If he acts a certain way when you’re dating, you best believe he’s going to act the exact same way if you get married too!

Neither you nor a marriage can change a man into something that he is not.

In fact, whatever he is now may be amplified over the years so make sure a man is actually right for you before jumping into a relationship with him.

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Try To Change A Man

It’s very foolish to think you can change a man.

So, instead of dating any man that’s willing to call you his girlfriend, take the time to decipher whether a person is right for you and whether you’d be a good match.

If you feel the need to change a man, then you’re in the wrong relationship!

Save yourself the time and heartache and date the man who actually is who you want to date!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Clean Up For Your Date

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

First impressions are everything!

While you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, many people make snap judgments based on what they immediately see and aren’t willing to stick around to learn much more.

Making good first impressions doesn’t just apply to how you look the first time you meet someone.

You also need to make a good first impression when a new person you’re dating comes to your home!

Image courtesy of Grant Cochrane / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Grant Cochrane / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Clean It Up!

It’s really important that you clean your home and make it nice and neat before you have a new dating companion come over.

If you have clothes thrown everywhere and dirty dishes piled up in the sink, your date might feel like it isn’t a place where they’d want to spend much of their time, if any.

It’s okay if you tend to have the “organized mess” or just the messy mess altogether, but you definitely want your date to feel comfortable in your home.

Image courtesy of Varandah / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Varandah / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Are You Normally A Messy Person?

People that tend to be messy sometimes think, “Hey, I’m a messy person and anyone I date needs to be able to accept that!”

Although this is true to an extent, letting a new person see you live in a pigsty may be very off-putting for them.

When someone gets to know you better and develops feelings for you they can more easily overlook some messy habits.

But, if you expose someone to your unclean home too soon, it could be more difficult to be overlooked.

So, take the time to clean up your home before your date comes over!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For

Last week I discussed 5 red flags that men need to pay attention to, so this week I’ve addressed 5 red flags that women should watch for. I wrote this article for Singles Warehouse and you can access it on their website here: 5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

5 Red Flags Men Need To Watch For

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

While I normally address red flags that women should be watchful for with men, I want to focus on 5 red flags that men need to watch for with women.

Although some men are great at identifying red flags that tell you a woman may not be good relationship material, some men don’t readily notice these clues.

So, here are 5 Red Flags That Men Need To Watch For:

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

1. She Talks About The Future Too Soon

Talking about “the future” too soon is definitely a red flag that you need to pay attention to. This is a sign that she may try to force the progression of your relationship.

Listen carefully when your date is speaking. If she uses the word “we” a lot, then you have a good idea of what you may be getting yourself into by continuing to date this woman.

If a woman is making plans for the both of you and it’s only your second date, you can’t act surprised when soon after she’s trying to pressure you into a relationship and then marriage!

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2. She’s Needy, Clingy, or Desperate

It’s never a good idea to date a needy or clingy woman. Clinginess is a sign that a woman will have dependency issues in the relationship.

Dating a woman that is completely dependent on you is detrimental to having a healthy relationship.

A needy woman requires A LOT of attention and pacifying. She can’t be alone and she’ll want to spend all of her time with you, which could make you feel suffocated by her attention.

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3. She Talks About Her Ex

Talking about exes on the first few dates is a HUGE red flag! If she’s talking about her ex-boyfriend on a date with you, face it, she’s NOT over him.

You don’t want to have to deal with the emotional baggage she’s carrying from her last relationship.

Some women don’t take the necessary time to deal with issues from their previous relationship and actually HEAL before getting back into the dating world.

If you don’t want to deal with a woman’s issues that another man caused, then steer clear of the woman who can’t help but talk about her ex!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

4. She’s Jealous Or Snoops

If your date makes a reference to you being a player type or suggests that you must date many women, and you’re not, this is a red flag that she may be the jealous type.

You don’t want to date a woman who is jealous for no reason because this will play out in your relationship if you decide to date her exclusively.

With a jealous woman, she may accuse you of cheating or even snoop through your phone or other things. Dating a jealous woman is not conducive to having a happy or healthy relationship.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5. She’s Insecure or Lacks Self-Confidence

If a woman is very insecure and lacks self-confidence, this is a sign that you will have to put A LOT of effort into dating this woman.

This is because an insecure woman requires a lot of emotional work and, therefore, a lot of emotional support from you.

While it may seem admirable to take this relationship on and try to help your girlfriend work through her self-worth issues, true change can only come from her.

There’s nothing you can do to make her secure about herself. It’s called “SELF-” worth and “SELF-” confidence for a reason, it has to come from her, NOT you!

Any Thoughts?

What are your experiences with dealing with these kinds of red flags? I’d love to hear your stories and perspectives, so please leave a comment below!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Do Men Want to Date New Millennium Women?

Check out this article I wrote for Digital Romance Inc. This is a read you definitely don’t want to miss! You can find my article Here.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

4 Problems with Drinking on First Dates

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When you go out on a date, you hope to have great conversation and make a great connection. But sometimes, nervous or anxious feelings prevent us from maximizing our connection with a date.

For some people, drinking alcohol seems like a great way to loosen up and make the date a more fluid and enjoyable one.

However, while alcohol may temporarily ease that nervous energy, there’s a fine line between easing your tension and destroying the possibility of making a genuine connection with your date.

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What’s Wrong With Drinking on First Dates?

Alcohol can easily have a negative effect on your date. You may become a little too loosened up by the alcohol, which could lead to a number of problems on the date.

Here are 4 problems with drinking on first dates:

  1. You might divulge way too much information too soon (To find out what “too much information too soon” is, check out my post on the topic Here);
  2. You might bring up inappropriate first date topics like religion, politics, exes, and more;
  3. You might make inappropriate comments that offend your date; and
  4. You might have a false sense that you made a real connection with your date.
Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

False Sense Of Making A Connection

One of the worst problems with drinking on first dates is the fact that the alcohol could lead you to feeling that you’ve made a genuine connection with your date when, in fact, you haven’t made a connection at all.

By the end of the date, you may feel much closer to your date and “connected” while your date feels annoyed, offended, or completely disinterested.

Consuming alcohol makes it more difficult to recognize those subtle clues that let you know whether someone is interested in you or not.

In fact, alcohol can make you flat out misinterpret social cues that tell you a person is uncomfortable with your behavior, language, or conversation topics

Image courtesy of Cbenjasuwan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Cbenjasuwan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Make A Love Connection!

In order to increase your chances of making a genuine connection or recognizing when there isn’t one, stick to ONE alcoholic drink on your date.

If you’re a more frequent or regular drinker, then you may bump this up to two. But, under no circumstances should you have more than 1-2 drinks on your first few dates!

Digital Romance Inc.

I’ve written an article for Digital Romance Inc. and it will be published on their website tomorrow! This is definitely a read you don’t want to miss!!

I’m really excited to write for Digital Romance Inc! Their “goal is to give you solutions to the entire range of relationship problems that people have been experiencing for… well, for as long as people have had relationships.”

Check out my website tomorrow for a direct link to my article!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Increase Your Chances of Making a Connection

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ideally, we all want to go out on a new date and make a great connection. We’d love to immediately “click” with the other person and hit it off!

But, not everyone is meant to make a connection that, ultimately, sparks a great relationship.

While you won’t always make a connection with new dates, there are things you can do to increase your chances of making a great connection on your next date.

Image courtesy of Patrisyu / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Patrisyu / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The On-Hand Technology Dilemma 

In this day and age, we have all become so attached to technology and our little gadgets that we often let it get in the way of fully living and enjoying the moment.

We are constantly checking our phone for texts, emails, or calls and it’s to the detriment of what we have going on in front of us.

It’s not possible to be 100% in the moment while your using or checking your phone.

And, you better believe that people can sense when you’re not “in the conversation” and this can limit the amount of effort that a person will make in trying to talk to you or connect with you.

So, with the compulsion we feel towards constantly utilizing our technology, how can we prevent this from interfering with our dates and every day life?

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Turn The Technology Off

In order to increase your chances of making a genuine connection on your dates, you need to turn your technology off!

Now, I do understand that going on a date with someone new can present questions of safety, which necessitates access to your phone in case of an emergency.

However, you can put your phone on vibrate and keep it in your pocket or purse if you won’t feel compelled to pull it out the second it vibrates.

If you can’t keep yourself from checking your phone when you feel it vibrate, then you need to completely turn it off on your date or keep it in your car.

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Make A Connection

It’s nearly impossible to make a connection with someone you don’t know when your face is buried in your phone.

It’s one thing if your expecting a really important phone call, in which case, you should let your date know that you’re expecting an important phone call so they won’t feel unimportant or ignored on the date.

Considering that it’s not always easy to make a connection with someone new, you have to know that regularly checking your phone will actually hurt the flow of conversation and take you “out of the moment.”

In remaining connected to the conversation, and thus, your date, you make it much easier to make a great connection.

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Conversation Is A Two-Way Street

Conversation on a date is not a one-way street. It takes the effort of both people.

If your focus is on your phone and who’s texting or emailing you, you won’t be putting in the requisite amount of effort you need in order to continue the fluidity of your conversation.

Therefore, if you want to increase your chances of making a great connection on your next date, you need to turn your technology off!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Are We Learning or Barely Discerning?: Serial Relationships

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You’re not necessarily supposed to be in a relationship for every year of your adult life. Yet, you’ll often find women who are envious of their friends with serial relationships.

You know the women I’m talking about, the ones who are never single for more than a few weeks at a time, the ones who jump from one relationship to the very next without even batting an eye. They’ve always had serial relationships.

But, these are not women to be jealous or envious of.

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How Many Relationships Should You Have?

If you’re wondering how many relationships you’re supposed to have, realize that there is no magic number that’s going to bring you any closer to your “Mr. Right.”

Your chances of meeting the right man and getting married is not dependent upon the number of relationships that you’ve had in your life.

At the end of the day, what’s truly important is your ability to learn from your past relationships in order to recognize and change those things that prevent you from attracting quality men and healthy relationships.

If you jump from relationship to relationship without taking the time to think about the choices you made or bad behavior you accepted, you’ll continue to have bad relationship after bad relationship and you’ll face the same issues each time if not worse.

 

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Inhibiting Self-Awareness & Change

Some women won’t leave a bad relationship until there’s another man to latch onto and this isn’t healthy at all. In doing this, you avoid facing and addressing serious issues you have with yourself and your relationships.

Going from relationship to relationship, doesn’t give yourself enough time to heal, learn, and grow from that experience. But, why is this important?

It’s important because you’ll never learn the lessons you’re supposed to from your past relationships with men. It’s important because you’ll continue to choose the wrong kind of men and make the same mistakes over and over.

Serial relationships don’t enable you to do the deep soul-searching that needs to be done to figure out why you chose to date your ex, what mistakes you made, and what changes need to be made in your dating life.

Be accountable, be knowledgable of your actions and yourself, take the time to reflect on your relationship and heal before you look to getting into another one!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Are You Envying A Healthy Relationship?

Some women are jealous of another woman’s serial relationships, not because those relationships are healthy or have a great dynamic, but simply because they just want a boyfriend too.

Most of the time, when women are envious of their friends with serial relationships, those relationships are usually unhealthy ones that shouldn’t be envied at all.

The truth is, you should never envy another person’s relationship. The old saying is certainly true, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side.”

Unfortunately, many women are more than happy to put up fake fronts about how great their relationship is, even if she’s miserable in it.

Therefore, you should never get caught up wanting what someone else has. You never know what really goes on behind closed doors.

Don’t Entertain Self-Doubt

When you have a friend that easily finds her next relationship, it may make you look at yourself and wonder why you aren’t able to do the same.

But, you aren’t inadequate or lacking in any way simply because you haven’t had as many relationships as your friends or because you’ve been single for awhile.

Don’t be jealous or envious of your friends that always have a man. Focus on growing as a person and taking much needed lessons from your past relationships and dealings with men so your next relationship will be a better and healthier one!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

 

For more great dating advice and must-read dating articles, Follow me on Twitter Here and on Facebook Here

Red Flag: He “Fell Asleep”

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This week, I wanted to address a very common red flag that most younger women tend to overlook.

How many times have you had plans with a man just for him to be a “no call, no show?”

You made plans the day before or even days in advance, but when the time comes to see each other he’s not picking up his phone. And, he’s definitely not calling back.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Does “Falling Asleep” On You Mean?

If a man stands you up and tells you the next day that he “fell asleep,” trust me, HE’S LYING!

The harsh reality is that he’s not into you at all! Men don’t fall asleep when they have plans with a woman.

Most likely, he found something better to do, maybe with another woman, or he wasn’t even in the mood to talk to you or deal with you at all.

It’s sad that some men don’t even have enough respect for a woman to call her and cancel their plans. The truth is, he shouldn’t have made plans with you in the first place.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This Won’t Be The Last Time

One thing that I can guarantee you though, if a man tells you that he fell asleep when you had plans, this won’t be the last time that he’s a “no call, no show.”

The only difference will be that each time he “disappears” on you like this, he’s excuses will get bigger and bigger.

It could go from “falling asleep” to “losing his phone” to “being sick in the hospital.”

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How Do You Handle It?

When the guy you had plans with doesn’t call you or return your call, either you start worrying about his well-being OR you get pissed!

Pissed that he’s standing you up. Pissed that he doesn’t have the decency to call or cancel the date. Pissed that he put you through this (and you got all cute and everything too)!

Now, some women in this position will call the man once or twice while others will blow up his phone all night and probably leave a few voicemails or texts cursing him out.

All of that is unnecessary though! When a man stands you up, the last thing you need to do is worry about his well-being, blow up his phone, or waste your energy cursing him out!

Image courtesy of PhotoStock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of PhotoStock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Did You Push For The Date?

Interestingly enough though, women usually encounter these situations when they are the ones pursuing the man. Think about it.

If this has ever happened to you, were you the one that pushed the topic of getting together? Did he actually say he wanted to do something with you or did he just agree to your suggestion to meet?

It’s important not to chase men into relationships. You may get some attention from your efforts, but it may not be lasting.

Let a man go after you so that you don’t force yourself on someone that just isn’t that into you.

The next time a man “falls asleep” on you, drop him like a hot potato and never look back!!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Stay Connected With Dee’s Dating Diary

For more great dating advice and must-read articles, follow Dee’s Dating Diary on Facebook and Twitter!

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Follow Me  On Twitter Here: @DeesDatingDiary

Who Comes First in a Relationship?

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Many times when women are in a relationship, they put their boyfriends before themselves. They do what’s in their beaux’s best interest, but not their own.

Unless you’re engaged or married, you have to put yourself first!

Image courtesy of Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Lost Opportunities

In a relationship, you’re still two separate people with separate lives. While you try to be a part of each other’s lives, what’s in each person’s best interest may be very different.

For example, you may get a great job offer that could take your career to the next level.

However, because they job is in a different city or state, you may pass up on the opportunity in order to stay closer to your man.

While his best interest is for you to stay, your best interest is to leave and take the job. You’re best interest should take priority over his.

The truth is, you have to continue to pursue your dreams or what’s best for your career while you’re in a relationship. If you don’t, you’ll eventually regret these missed opportunities.

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Will He Move With You?

If a man loves you and feels strongly enough about you, he will follow you wherever you go. If he doesn’t, then he won’t.

Now, there is an exception to this rule. If his career has no mobility or there isn’t a demand for his expertise in the new city, then moving may mean career suicide for him.

Perhaps his career is client-based and moving would mean starting over or changing careers altogether. This is definitely something that also has to be taken into consideration.

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Stay True To Yourself

Unless there’s a ring on your finger, you’d be doing yourself a disservice to plan and live your life around a man.

It’s very important that you don’t lose sight of yourself while you’re in a relationship.

Always follow your dreams and do what’s in your best interest so that, at the end of the day, you won’t have to live with any regret over lost opportunities.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Stay Connected With Dee’s Dating Diary

For more great dating advice and must-read articles, follow Dee’s Dating Diary on Facebook and Twitter!

Follow Me On Facebook Here: Dee’s Dating Diary

Follow Me  On Twitter Here: @DeesDatingDiary

Dating Down

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In this day and age, it’s quite unfortunate that you see so many women “dating down.”

But, what is dating down, you ask?

Dating down is when you date men that aren’t good for you or worthy of you.

Image courtesy of Nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Common Types of “Dating Down”

If you’re dating a man that doesn’t respect and cherish you and the value that you bring to the relationship, and instead, puts you down, cheats on you, abuses you or controls your every movement, then you’re dating down.

Do you have to fight for attention? Ask your man to call you? Or remind him that you exist?? You’re dating down.

Are you an ambitious, driven, well-educated woman dating a man who isn’t ambitious or driven to, for example, learn a trade/skill, pursue entrepreneurial endeavors, or pursue a higher education? Well, you’re dating down.

Are you supporting a man that isn’t self sufficient? Whether he’s “borrowing” your money or your car, face it, you’re dating down!

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Problems With Dating Down

When you date down, you open yourself up to significant problems that you shouldn’t have to deal with.

These relationships negatively affect your self-esteem. You’ll probably start to think that this is what you deserve. That you’ll never find better.

You’ll eventually downplay your self-worth and, consequently, your self-confidence will dwindle as well.

When you’re treated poorly or stay in the wrong relationship, you’ll get desensitized to those things that you shouldn’t have to accept.

The chances of your next relationship being healthier or better is slim because you’ve gotten used to accepting less than what you need and deserve from a relationship. This easily turns into a cycle.

You may even falsely believe that it’s better to have this man than no man at all.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ready For Change?

Dating down can lead you to resenting the man you’re dating because he’s not who you want him to be. But, truthfully, you can only blame yourself for choosing to date a man that wasn’t right for you in the first place.

If you’ve been dating down, you owe it to yourself to let that relationship go in order to attract a man who actually deserves you. A man who appreciates your worth, a man you don’t have to financially support, a man who has ambition.

Give yourself a chance to attract a man that is on your level. Someone who is self sufficient and can pay his own bills and maintain his own car.

You’ll never have a better relationship as long as you stay in the wrong one. So free yourself now, as hard as it may be, so that you can have true happiness in the future.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Dating With Daddy Issues

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There are some women who have a preference for dating older men while other women just “happen” into these relationships.

Majority of the time, women date older men that remind them of their fathers or who fulfill some fatherly role for them.

Although this happens more so with women who grew up without a father in their life, even women who did have a father growing up find themselves looking to an older man for certain qualities or support that a father would provide.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating Older Men

The truth is, you shouldn’t be dating a man because he provides you with something you’re father never did or used to when he was alive.

Dating an older man can be tricky because sometimes you’ll find that older men play just as many games with your heart as younger men, except they’re much better at the game than any youngster out there!

Older men understand women much more and can easily use that to manipulate a younger woman’s mind and emotions.

You definitely need to understand whether your feelings for an older man are genuine or a by-product of missing or craving some fatherly like fulfillment in your life.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Aging Out”

When you date an older man you always have to worry about whether you’re going to “age out” of the relationship.

Meaning, you’ll constantly be stressing about whether you’re getting too old for your older man.He may just have a thing for younger women.

He may like the ease that comes with dating a younger, more naive person.

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Relationship Awareness

Just be cognizant of the reasons you and your older man want a relationship with each other.

Make sure it’s coming from a healthy place on BOTH sides!

Deal with your daddy issues and make sure you aren’t replacing your father with your boyfriend.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

He Can’t Complete You!

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Many women feel they need a man to “complete” them. They’ll say a man is their “better half” or “he completes me.”

But, the truth is, a man can’t complete you. Only you can complete you! Two halves won’t actually make a whole, so you need to feel whole with or without a man.

It’s unfair to yourself to base your completeness and happiness on whether you’re in a relationship.

And, if you do, you’ll be miserable when you’re single and possibly desperate for any man who will show you attention.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What’s The Root of the Issue?

To say that a man completes you, is to say that you have some void in your life without a man.

You have to be complete on your own before entering a relationship or this could cause other serious issues with your boyfriend.

Ultimately, dependency issues may be at the root of needing a man to “complete” you. Are you clingy or needy in your relationships?

You may find yourself not wanting to do any activities without your boyfriend. Or, maybe you don’t want him to do any activities without you.

Either way, falling victim to this “he completes me” mentality may lead you to becoming unhealthily dependent on your boyfriend and relationship.

It’s time to start evaluating yourself. You need to figure out why you think you need a man to complete you.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Self-Actualization

If you say that a man completes you, then you’re incomplete when he’s gone. What are you when your “better half” leaves?

Why aren’t you a complete person without a man?

Honestly think about these questions so that you can help yourself come to terms with the fact that you’re an amazing woman who doesn’t need any person to complete you!

You are and always will be a whole person. You were born as a complete woman and to allow yourself to think otherwise is absurd.

A man is meant to complement who you are, NOT complete you! Remember that!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Choose Your Battles Wisely!

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I know we’ve all heard the saying, “Choose your battles wisely.” But, for many women their understanding of this statement is superficial.

There are very specific reasons why you have to choose your battles wisely.

For one, if someone feels like you’re always “nagging” them, they’ll get tired of it really quickly.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Urge To Push

Many times when women feel like there’s a problem with something their boyfriend is or isn’t doing, they will tell him about it and push him for change, over and over again.

The problem is, one day you’ll encounter a serious problem in your relationship and when you address it, he may be so tired of constantly being told about your problems with him that he won’t genuinely hear what you’re saying, whether it’s valid or not.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Effect of Constantly “Nagging”

Even if he does hear you out, even if you’re problem is legitimate, he may be so fed up with all the “issues” you have that he won’t be motivated to change anything else. He may think that no amount of change will be enough for you.

Now, it’s not that a man doesn’t want to know about serious issues that you’re having with him, but the truth is, when you’ve brought up too many petty, unimportant issues it’s very difficult to be taken seriously.

While communication is key in any relationship, if you choose to focus on small things that you possibly should be learning to live with, you actually weaken your voice and hurt your chance of being listened to.

If you want to choose your battles wisely, start by evaluating whether your issue is really an issue. If it’s really not a big deal, let it go. If it is a big deal or even a deal breaker, definitely address it!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Focus On One Issue 

Often times when women are addressing an issue with their boyfriend, they bring up so many other issues at the same time, that it becomes extremely difficult for their boyfriend to understand “the point” and focus on the most important issue.

If you bring up multiple issues in one discussion, your boyfriend may heavily focus on the wrong issue and upset you even more by not “getting it.”

But, this isn’t necessarily his fault. When we tie in several different problems into one discussion, it can make it much harder to logically follow what the problem is.

You actually make it more difficult to solve any one problem when you bring up other unrelated issues.

Therefore, to get the best results, you can only address one issue at a time. But, you have to fight the urge to bring up another issue immediately after one is resolved.

Although you may have smoothly resolved one issue, going through more than one issue in a day isn’t wise.

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Positive Reinforcement

After you’ve resolved an issue with your boyfriend, thank him for listening to you. Thank him for opening up and honestly discussing his feelings.

Whether you think this is necessary or not, a small display of gratitude can go a long way.

Thanking your boyfriend for having an open, honest, productive conversation is positive reinforcement for him to do it again in the future.

You punish bad behavior, so you definitely need to reward good behavior. You should always show your boyfriend appreciation for his positive behavior.

Conclusion

Remember, if you’re always bringing up petty issues with your boyfriend, most likely, when you encounter a serious problem and bring it up, you’ll be tuned out and he may feel that you’ll always have some type of problem with him.

So, choose your battles wisely by only addressing important issues and focus on just one problem at a time.

You’ll find that it’s much easier to communicate and reach a happy resolution that way.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

 

Your Self-Confidence Can’t Depend on Him!!

Image courtesy of Pat138241/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Pat138241/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Unfortunately, many women who are hurt by men start feeling like they aren’t as pretty or smart as they really are.

Why is it that women tend to base their self-esteem and self-confidence on how men treat them or feel about them?

The hardships women face in dealing with men, frequently force women to rethink the way they feel about themselves and this isn’t right!!

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating Problems Are Just That

The problems you experience in dating are just that, dating problems and nothing more. These problems shouldn’t determine how you feel about yourself and your beauty!

When men have problems in their relationships, do you think they start questioning their self-worth?

Or do you think they take those problems for what they are and not let them turn into other self-esteem issues?

When you have problems in your dating life, you definitely need to do some deep thinking about what went wrong and how you may have contributed to those problems.

But, the last thing you need to start thinking is, “Am I not pretty enough? Skinny enough? Entertaining enough?”

You can’t let a man make you feel badly about those fundamental things about yourself. You felt beautiful when you first started dating him, right? So, why should you not feel beautiful when you stop dating him?

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

His Games Shouldn’t Affect Your Self-Worth

Just because a man has chosen to play games with your heart or lead you on, doesn’t mean that you aren’t a great woman! A man’s issues shouldn’t lead you to have more issues of your own.

Take responsibility for the problems you caused or enabled in your relationships, but NEVER EVER think that you are any less of the smart, beautiful, caring woman that you were when he met you.

Your self-confidence should never be a reflection of how men feel about you!

Even if he cheats on you, you can’t start convincing yourself that you aren’t pretty.

 

Image courtesy of Nuchylee/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Nuchylee/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Maintain Your Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem is just that, SELFesteem. It’s YOU that determines it, not a man and certainly not the world.

You have to know your worth and maintain your self-confidence no matter what you go through with men.

Now, I know it’s much easier to say don’t let men’s bad behavior affect your self-esteem than actually living it.

But, the truth is, you’re giving men way too much control over your emotional well-being and self-esteem by letting them dictate your level of self-confidence.

No matter what you go through in this world, know your worth and NEVER FORGET IT!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee!

Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband!

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There’s a huge problem in dating that needs to be addressed. From the moment a relationship becomes exclusive, or even before this point, many women treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands.

Most of the time, you will see women do for their boyfriends what a wife does for her husband and this is not okay.

Unless there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat your boyfriend as if he is your husband!

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Playing Wife Is A Temporary Comfort

While “playing house” and “playing wife” may make you feel happier about your relationship because you exhibit that close, committed relationship held by a husband and wife, you don’t have the comfort and security that a marriage provides.

While you’re doing so much for your boyfriend to the point that you resemble the role his wife would take on, you’ll be disappointed to learn how easily and quickly a man can leave the relationship without batting an eye.

And, after the relationship ends, will you not sit there thinking, “Damn, I shouldn’t have done all that for him!” Or, “I cant believe he left me after everything I’ve done and given up for him!”

While these are legitimate questions, the real questions you need to ask yourself are, “Why did I treat this man like my husband?” “Why did I do so much for a man that wasn’t married to me?”

Instead of being the devoted wife in your next relationship, just be the girlfriend. And, know that this route will get you a ring quicker than if you act like there’s already a ring on your finger.

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Benefits of Marriage Don’t Apply to Relationships 

The root of some of your problems in dating may be the fact that you are going above and beyond the call of duty of a girlfriend.

The truth is, if a man wants ALL of you and wants you to do more than a girlfriend does for her boyfriend, then he needs to put a ring on it.

While many men will propose to women who treated them like husbands from day one, it will take you a lot longer to get a ring out of a man if you’re giving him all the benefits of a marriage without any of the accompanying obligations and commitments.

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why Marry The Woman When You Can Get The Wife For Free?

Do you remember that old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

Well, it’s true! This applies to dating and not just sex. What will inspire or encourage a man to marry you if he already has all the perks of marriage without any of it’s other obligations or “hassles?”

If a man wants more than plain old boyfriend treatment, he’s going to have to earn it and he needs to ask you to be his wife!

Think about it though, how are you going to feel if you treat your beau like he’s your husband and he breaks up with you or leaves you for another woman? Will you not regret doing too much for him?

Don’t get caught up doing a lot more in a relationship than you should! At the end of the day, the only person who ever regrets doing this is the woman, not the man!

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Is Treating Your Boyfriend Like A Husband?

Well, there are many things that women do that reflects the role of a wife.

But, to give you an idea, it can include anything from playing house and regularly cleaning his place or doing his laundry to passing up great opportunities for the relationship.

The most significant aspect I’ve noticed women catering to men as husbands would be in their careers. For example, you could get a great job offer in another state, but choose to pass up on the opportunity to stay with your boyfriend.

I’ve seen too many women pass up on great career or business opportunities for men that had no intention of marrying them, let alone being together long-term.

As women, we can’t make decisions based on our boyfriend being in our lives and, if we do, it can really hold us back.

When it’s all said and done, no woman looks back and says, “You know, I’m glad I passed up that opportunity for him!” So, if you’re not married, you need to make decisions with only your own best interest at heart.

If a man is going to make a career or business decision, he does it, and without thinking, “Oh, I wonder if my girlfriend will be okay with this.” No, men do what they know is best for themselves and it’s time that women did the same!

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Until You’re Engaged, His Opinion Doesn’t Matter

If he’s not your husband, your opinion is the only one that matters.

I say this because 2-3 years down the line when you’re not with him, you too will think his opinion doesn’t matter. If he’s not going to be a part of your life permanently, then why would you make decisions based on him? Especially decisions that will have a lasting effect on your life.

If your boyfriend wants you to consider him when you’re making big decisions about your life, he needs to show you that he will always be a part of that life. And, he does this by asking you to marry him!

Remember to slow down and let the dating process and courtship happen naturally. Don’t force a more committed element in your relationship by playing wife. If he doesn’t want to play husband, you definitely shouldn’t play wife!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Let’s Talk About Sex…

Image courtesy of Photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sex can be a very taboo topic for some, but it’s one that must be addressed!

Many women consider themselves “free-spirited” and are very comfortable talking about sex. On the other hand, there are women who understand the intimacy of sex and know it’s not something to engage in or speak of lightly.

For the women that are of the belief that sex is “no big deal,” now is the time to rethink your position.

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Stop Talking About Sex On Dates

A lot of women recognize that they shouldn’t sleep with men until they are in an exclusive relationship, but many of these women think that it’s okay to talk about sex on the first few dates with men.

The truth is, most of the time, talking about sex on the first few dates is just as good as having sex on the first few dates.

It’s hard enough to keep men from thinking about just having sex with you, so when you make sex a point of conversation, you automatically trigger that part of the man’s mind that associates you with sex.

So, even if you aren’t having sex with a man, when you talk about it too soon, you may be pushing him towards categorizing you as a woman to just have sex with.

And, once you’re categorized into that sex box, there’s rarely any coming back from that.

Benefits of NOT Talking About Sex

By refraining from having conversations about sex, you force a man to think about you outside of the sexual aspects.

You force the man to actually get to know YOU and see if there could be a potential relationship. And, isn’t this what we want?

You don’t want a man to start thinking of the different ways he can try to sleep with you. Keep his mind out of the gutter and force him to get to know the person in the panties! 🙂

Disclaimer: Even if your conversations about sex are general and don’t actually involve you and him having sex, you still need to steer clear of this conversation topic!

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sex

Sex is a very intimate act that should only happen between two people that are exclusively dating and trust each other.

Aside from the fact that Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are so prevalent, it’s important that you understand what your relationship with a man is before deciding to have sex.

A lot of times, women blindly jump into having sex with a man. They don’t know where they stand or how the man really feels about them and they don’t know if the man is having sex with other women.

When you have sex with a man without knowing that he wants to be in an exclusive relationship, you become anxious and nervous about where you stand in the man’s life.

How many times have you slept with a man then spent the next days or weeks stressing about whether the man still likes you, or wants to pursue a relationship, or whether he is still sleeping with other women?

Well, you won’t have to have these types of unnerving thoughts if you wait to have sex once you have both decided to be in an exclusive relationship.

And, if a man isn’t sure whether he wants to be in a relationship with you, then he is NOT deserving of your body!!

Why Wait To Have Sex?

There are 3 main reasons why you should wait a significant amount of time before having sex with a man:

1. You need to know where a man’s head is at and what his intentions with you are, is he lusting after you for sex or is he genuinely interested in getting to know you and pursuing a relationship and possibly marriage?

2. You don’t want to get categorized as easy and, therefore, not wife material; and

3. You need to give yourself enough time to evaluate whether this man is right for you!

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Be the Late Night Creep

If you wait until you are in a committed relationship to have sex, you will also weed out a lot of men that are only chasing after you for sex.

If a man’s interest and attention in you starts to dwindle before you’ve had sex with him, then you know where his interest truly lied and you can feel confident about moving on to other prospects without looking back!

No woman wants to be used for sex or be a man’s “late night creep.”

As much as “liberated” women say they don’t mind having casual relationships with men, when they find out that man is sleeping with other women, they never feel good about it.

Lying to Yourself Never Helps

You can lie to yourself all you want, but you never want the man your having sex with to have sex with other women.

Every woman wants to feel special and know that a man doesn’t want to sleep with any other woman, but when you have sex outside of a committed relationship, you don’t have this security.

When you sleep with a man without knowing what your relationship is, you essentially forfeit your right to say that you should be the only one he is sleeping with.

I actually had a woman tell me that she only wanted a casual relationship with a guy she was dating, so she was honest with him that she was dating other men. When he happily responded that it was cool and he would see other people too, she didn’t feel good about that.

You can only fool yourself for so long! You really don’t want the man you’re dating to sleep with other women.

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Get Labeled As “Just Sex”

If you have sex with a man too soon, he will label you as “just sex” and there won’t be a potential for a relationship. Once you’re labeled as just a person to just have sex with, there really is no possibility of being considered relationship material by that man.

The woman a man wants to be in a relationship with does not easily give up her body. And, if you give up your body easily for him, he will think you do it for every man.

Even if you felt a crazy deep connection with a man and thought the feelings were mutual, if you sleep with him too soon, he’ll still think that’s how you are with every other man.

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But He Says He Doesn’t Judge

If a man tells you that he won’t judge you for sleeping with him early on, DON’T believe it! A lot of times, men will tell you what you need to hear to drop your panties. He doesn’t actually believe what he is selling you.

When you jump right into sex, you essentially tell a man you are okay having sex with him and not being in a committed relationship.

When you do this, a man won’t be any more motivated to get in an exclusive relationship with you because he already has the best of both worlds.

He gets to sleep with you and probably get treated like a boyfriend without ever having to commit to you AND he still gets to sleep with other women! A win win situation for him and a big lose for you!

Image courtesy of Marin/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Marin/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Do You Know If He’s Right For You?

You definitely shouldn’t be having sex with a man that you don’t know well.

If you’re interested in being in a relationship and you have sex with a man too soon, you wouldn’t know whether this is the type of man you would want to be in a relationship with and you may regret having sex with him after the fact.

While you may think you know someone based on the superficial things you’ve learned about them, you really don’t start to see who people really are until months into dating.

Don’t shortchange yourself by having sex too soon just to discover that this isn’t the type of man you would want in your life.

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee!

Consistency and Dating – the Long Term Relationship Indicator

Consistency in a man provides comfort while inconsistency inspires insecurity, fear, and anxiety over the relationship among other things.

Empowerment Coach Suzie

What makes relationships last? Why it’s consistency of course … you thought I would say love and affection didn’t you? Well, it’s those things too … along with friendship, respect. trust and attraction.  But, I’d like to argue that consistency is the most important thing … it’s consistency in all those things … love, affection, attraction, friendship, respect, trust, etc etc.  No one wants to ride a roller coaster ride of ups and downs in their relationship.  They want to know that their partner is always there when they need them, especially in the hard times.  So why is consistency and dating the long term relationship indicator? Because, well, I’ll tell you.

Choosing Your Partner Wisely

I’ve said many times before that forever has everything to do with your choice of partner, which is absolutely true. You need to choose wisely.  Part of choosing wisely is knowing if this…

View original post 448 more words

Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?

Ladies, how many times have you been dating a guy and while it seems it’s going well because you’re hearing from him everyday or every other day, all of a sudden he disappears and you hear nothing for days or a week?

Well, this is a huge RED FLAG!!!

Consistency is Key!

Listen carefully ladies: Consistency is KEY!! Consistency lets you know that a man is who he is claiming himself to be.

A man’s words must align with his actions!

If a man makes promises that he doesn’t fulfill, or a man says he operates one way, but actually does something else, take this as a sign and red flag that this man is NOT who he claims himself to be.

Write The Script and He’ll Play The Part

Many men play “roles” for women. To be clearer, men play the part they think you want them to play in order to get what they want from you!

Let me explain. Say you meet a man and on the first or second date you let him know that your ex never told you that you are beautiful and he never opened doors for you. What will happen is: The man will start telling you that you’re beautiful and opening doors for you.

Why? Because you’ve let him know the role you wanted him to play. You fed him the lines for his character. Your ex didn’t do so and so, therefore, you want him to do or say these things.

Don’t Give Him A Character To Play

While many women see this kind of information sharing as just a way to share themselves and allow a man to get to know them and their past experiences, some men actually take these conversations as “you need to do this if you want to be with me.”

Don’t tell a man what your ex did that you disliked. Why?? So that you can see how this man will actually treat you on his own without prompting from you!

Stop feeding men the lines and roles that you want them to play and let them SHOW you who they will be with you.

Where Does This Come From?

Early on in my dating life, I picked up on the fact that men would try to mimic (not genuinely) the dating preferences I shared with them. This made me more cognizant of the past relationship experiences that I decided to share with new men I dated.

However, it wasn’t until I read the book, “Play or Be Played,” that I realized that this was all a kind of game. This book has great wisdom for women and you should read it at least twice!!!

And, I wasn’t paid or induced to endorse or promote this book. I just have genuine love for it!

While some of you may say, well isn’t it a good thing if he starts playing that role and doing the things your exes didn’t do?? WRONG!!!!

The Role Is Not A Man’s Genuine Self

In fact, a man will play this role, however, he can’t and won’t play this role forever. Most men will start showing their true colors around the 3 month mark. For some reason men can’t seem to keep an act alive for much longer than a few months.

But, it makes sense because its hard to act like a different person or maintain a facade for an extended period of time. This is why you will see a lot of women with 3 month rules, because they understand that you really see who a person is a few months after you’ve met them.

The 3 Month Rule

Now, the 3 month rule does run you the risk of having a man play that “role” more extensively in order to pass your 3 month test. So, if you decide to use the 3 month rule:

1. Be cautious,

2. Keep your eyes open,

3. Listen carefully, and

4. Don’t prompt a man to do what you want him to do, instead, let him show you who he is!!!

*REMEMBER THIS:*

When a person shows you who they are, believe it! Stop trying to rationalize a man’s erratic or bad behavior, especially if he isn’t even trying to explain or apologize for his actions himself.

Bringing you back to my original point, if you normally hear from the man you are dating every day or every other day, but there are times that he disappears for days or even weeks at a time and you are unable to reach him, take this as a serious red flag and proceed with extreme caution because there may be a whole lot more to the picture that you don’t see!

Regardless of whether you can confirm that a man’s disappearing act is due to him being with other women or not, you have to evaluate whether this man is right for you based on his actions as a whole, based on the big picture.

To clarify, whether or not you know if this man is seeing other women or is just bad with his phone (rare these days) you have to ask yourself, do I want to be with a man that can disappear for days at a time without communicating or responding to my calls or texts??

It’s A Choice, Not First Come First Served

Unfortunately, many women are so eager to have a man and/or get married that they are ready to seriously date or marry any man that comes into the picture.

However, we can’t be this lax! We have to evaluate EVERY man individually to determine whether this is the kind of man that we really want to be with and who is actually good for us!

This is what you need to ask yourself to determine whether to proceed!

Stop taking any man as they come and start taking control of your dating life. If you pull back from men that exhibit serious red flags, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of heartache and months of recuperating!

Oddly enough, many women are happy to be in relationships that they KNOW aren’t going anywhere. But, wait, there is something they don’t realize.

Unnecessary Relationship = Unnecessary Heartache

By being in an unnecessary relationship, women will take on emotional baggage from this relationship and it could become harder to maintain healthy dating habits in the future.

To put it simpler, by being in an unnecessary or bad relationship, you’ll probably have attitude or negative feelings towards the next several men you encounter and, therefore, someone who may have been a great match for you may be put off by your negative attitude or pessimistic conversations that are really just a result of the trials and tribulations from your previous relationship, which you had no business being in!

Just some food for thought! Start paying attention to red flags because when someone shows you who they are, there is no rationalizing you can do to change them.

Be kind to your body and mind, don’t rack your brain trying to make excuses for a man. If you find yourself doing this, it may be time to move on!

If you’ve been a victim of the disappearing act, I want to hear your story or your thoughts! BUT, remember ladies, after the third time of having a man pull the disappearing act on you, you’re no longer a victim. Instead, you’re a willing participant!

Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice and it’s shame on me!!

If you have any thoughts on the “disappearing act,” please leave your comments below, I love hearing your perspective!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

8 Things Guys Secretly Love

James Michael Sama

Whether a guy is just starting to date a woman or is in a committed relationship with her, there are small things that she may do without thinking twice that guys secretly love.

While there are many, here are eight to start.

Image

Laying your head on his chest.

When laying on the couch watching TV or laying in bed after a long day, it’s one of the best feelings when a woman lays her head down on your chest and puts her arm over you.

As men, we enjoy feeling as though we are being protective, and this signifies that she feels safe in our arms.

When you text him first.

There is a lot of pressure on guys to always initiate conversation. Sometimes he may not know if he’s being too pushy or texting too much – he might overthink it and not text you at all, which could…

View original post 606 more words