Should You Burn Your Exes Things After A Break Up?

Posted on December 20, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Last week, I discussed whether you should keep your exes stuff after a break up. This week, I want to talk disposal methods!

Some women are so angry and hurt after a break up that they feel compelled to get rid of their exes things in the most destructive way possible.

From tearing pictures and other things a part to burning things altogether, some women think that destroying their exes stuff will make them feel better.

But, the truth this, it’s just an unnecessary waste of your time.

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Why Not Destroy His Stuff?

Going the destructive route often makes you much more emotional.

You have to remember that there’s no amount of ripping, tearing, or burning that will take away the hurt, pain, anger you feel from a break up.

Only in going through the natural course of the healing process will you truly feel better.

So, is it okay burn or destroy your exes things after a break up?

The answer is no.

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What Should You Do With Your Exes Stuff?

I know you’re thinking, “do I just throw everything in the trash then?”

Well, yes, that is an option, but you do have better ones.

You could donate your exes stuff to the Salvation Army, Goodwill, or any other organizations that accept these kinds of donations.

Or, you could even return the stuff to your ex if you are both capable of amicably handling that encounter.

No matter how you chose to get rid of your exes things, don’t make it more difficult for yourself by putting negative energy into that process.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Should You Keep Your Exes Stuff After A Break Up?

Posted on December 13, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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During the course of a relationship, we usually cultivate many things from our partner. From gifts, to “borrowed” shirts and sweaters, it’s easy to rack up a lot of items from your boyfriend.

But, after a break up, should you be keeping any of these things?

The answer is no.

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Why You Shouldn’t Keep Your Exes Stuff

When you’re trying to get over a relationship, the last thing you need is to have a bunch of stuff around your house that constantly reminds you of your ex and the relationship you had.

Your exes stuff could send you into emotional lows and put you back in that sad place that you were in at the end of the relationship.

Keeping your exes stuff around definitely makes it more difficult to get over the relationship.

These little reminders of your ex will only prolong and delay the healing process after your break up.

And, this is definitely not what you want.

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Let’s Make A Distinction

For some women, yes, seeing an exes things or the gifts he gave can send them into emotional spirals.

But, there are some women who can break up with a boyfriend and not be emotionally affected by seeing some of his stuff.

Take for example, the sweater you took from your boyfriend and love wearing because it’s huge and super comfortable!

Some women might see this sweater after a break up and cry into it. While other women may continue to wear the sweater and simply enjoy its comfort with no emotional attachments or issues.

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Why Make This Distinction?

I have to make a distinction between women who can keep some of their exes things without being emotionally affected by it and women who can’t.

If you can separate the emotional attachments between your ex and certain items, then you don’t necessarily need to get rid of everything.

If your ex got you a gift that you’ve always wanted and you won’t be reminded of him every time you look at it, then there’s no need to junk the gift.

But, do keep in mind that even if you are great at separating your emotions from the gifts your ex gave you, a new boyfriend could have a problem with you keeping some of these things anyway.

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Why Do You Need Your Exes Stuff?

While it may seem harsh to get rid of your exes stuff after the relationship, sometimes it’s the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.

You don’t need a bunch of CDs, pictures, and other things to remind you of your ex.

At the end of the day, you’ll always have your memories and no one can take that from you.

So, don’t allow yourself to unnecessarily hold on to things from your past relationships.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Misplacing Anger After Being Cheated On

Posted on December 6, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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A lot of women have experienced being cheated on. And, I’m sure we can all agree that it’s a very difficult thing to go through.

While it’s completely understandable to be upset and distraught after learning about your boyfriend’s cheating, what isn’t understandable is women’s misplaced anger in these situations.

Why is it that so many women get upset with the “other woman” their boyfriend is having an affair with instead of directing all their anger and hurt towards the man who actually made the commitment to them?

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Who’s In The Relationship?

When you enter a relationship or marriage, it’s you and your man that makes that commitment or takes those vows.

The woman who slept with your boyfriend or husband never made any commitment to you. She didn’t take any vows, she didn’t agree to exclusivity.

But, for some reason, the other woman is often held to a higher standard of accountability than the man that cheated.

The sad truth is, majority of the time, the man was never honest about the fact that he was in a relationship in the first place.

So, why would you ever want to fight, hurt, or harass the other woman that your man was telling lies to?

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Who’s Really To Blame?

Misplaced anger and aggression in cheating is a serious problem.

And, it takes away a lot of the man’s accountability and responsibility in the situation.

The man you decided to be in a relationship with cheats on you and you decide to stay in that relationship and punish the other woman? That sounds like a pretty sweet deal for your boyfriend!

But, why let your man avoid the full consequences of his actions when he’s the person who made the commitment to you?

The reality is, women who don’t know you, owe you nothing.

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Was The “Other Woman” Your Friend?

The only person you should be addressing when you’ve been cheated on is your boyfriend or husband. The other woman is not to blame!

Now, if you were friends with the other woman you certainly have a right to be upset with her.

I definitely don’t agree with any woman knowingly going after a taken man and if you find yourself in this kind of situation, then you do need to address the “other woman” in terms of your friendship with her.

But, this still doesn’t give you a pass to fight or harass your friend.

Obviously, this friend isn’t the type of woman you should continue being friends with, but having a civilized conversation about her own betrayal to you is necessary!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Why Many Marriages Fail

Posted on November 22, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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There isn’t a one-size fits all reason for why marriages fail.

But, there is a very common reason, outside of infidelity, that I do want to discuss.

Specifically, a lot of marriages fail because of the unexpressed expectations for a husband and wife.

Unexpressed and, therefore, unfulfilled expectations can set marriages up for failure long before they start.

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Heightened Expectations of Marriage

When you think of being married, you innately have an image in your head of what you expect your husband or wife to be.

There’s a lower threshold of responsibility and devotion in a relationship, but marriage naturally increases what you expect out of your now husband or wife.

No matter how you are during the relationship, both men and women will have heightened expectations for how you should act as their spouse.

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Examples of Heightened Expectations

A woman, for example, may expect her husband to pitch in more around the house.

A man may expect his wife to regularly cook dinner every night, despite the fact that she never cooked while they were dating.

Whatever it is that you picture in your head for a husband or wife is the heightened expectation you hold for the person you will one day marry.

The problem is when you go into a marriage with unspoken expectations and expect your spouse to meet them.

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Unexpressed Expectations

Remember, we are not all mind-readers. Unexpressed expectations will lead to unmet expectations, which can lead to an unhappy marriage and, ultimately, divorce.

So, you have to communicate!

BEFORE you get married, take the time to discuss your expectations of a husband and wife.

Your spouse may be ready and happy to meet your heightened expectations in a marriage, but if you don’t communicate your feelings to your spouse, you’re essentially setting them up for failure.

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Give Your Marriage a Fighting Chance

There’s nothing wrong with having expectations of a husband or wife, as long as they’re reasonable, of course.

But, don’t let your spouse get blindsided years into the marriage with what you’ve been expecting from them since the marriage ceremony!

Give your partner the opportunity to keep you happy in your marriage and express your expectations of a husband and wife!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Are You Lying About Your Relationship?

Posted on November 15, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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I want to take the time to address women who are lying are about their relationships.

Specifically, women who lie about the length of their relationships.

Now, you may be thinking about the women who date a man for two weeks and round that time up to a month, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.

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The On-And-Off Couple

I’m sure you all know plenty of women who have been in one relationship that had a series of breakups throughout the relationship.

The couple dates for maybe 6 or 7 months, then breaks up, and then gets back together some months later.

I call these back and forth, on-and-off relationships “boomeranging.”

While I don’t agree with boomeranging because of the many problems that come along with it (See my post: No More Boomeranging!!), the delusion women have about the nature of these relationships is astounding.

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Lying About Your Relationship

When you talk to women who do this on-and-off dating, they are quick to tell you that they’ve dated a man for 4 years.

But, the truth is, they only dated for about 6 months out of each year.

So, when you really add up how much time they’ve been in a relationship, it’s usually far less than what they boast!

When you’ve been dating for a long time, of course you’re going to be proud of the length of time you’ve been together.

However, trying to deceive yourself and others about how long you’ve really been with a man only prevents you from accepting the nature of the relationship you truly have.

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Is The Relationship Worth Having?

Most likely, if you’ve been breaking up on and off several times throughout your relationship, it’s probably not a good one.

And, you shouldn’t be bragging or boasting to anyone about how long your relationship has lasted.

Be honest with yourself and other people, don’t inflate your relationship to be something that it’s not.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Where To Spend The Holidays When You’re In A Relationship

Posted on November 8, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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The holidays are such a wonderful and joyous time!

But, when you’re in a relationship, it’s not always fun deciding which family to spend the holidays with.

I do have a simple tip for planning your future holidays, but, first, I think it’s important to acknowledge a significant problem women have during the holidays.

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The Unfortunate Holiday Compulsion

I often find that when women are in relationships, they tend to spend most, if not all, of their holidays with their boyfriend’s family instead of their own.

It’s seems all too easy for many women to forget about their own family and ingratiate themselves into their boyfriend’s family.

While there’s nothing wrong with spending quality time with your man’s family, it definitely becomes a problem when your own family doesn’t get to spend any time with you.

You can’t forsake your family on every holiday. You should still spend some of your holidays with your own family.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t spend any holidays with your boyfriend’s family, you just need to maintain a balance and not forget about the people you grew up with.

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Tips For The Holidays

Instead of fighting over who’s family to spend the holidays with, divvy up the holidays between your two families.

Spend Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other.

If there’s a particular holiday that is more important to your partner’s family than your own, spend that holiday with them.

You could also spend Christmas with your partner’s family one year and Christmas with your family the next year. This way, each family gets to enjoy you on different holidays each year.

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Is Family Important To You And Your Partner?

If spending time with your family isn’t as important to you as it is to your partner, then you should spend more holidays with your partner’s family.

HOWEVER, I will say, if you highly value family and your partner doesn’t, this could be the source of a lot of conflict in your relationship.

While I do believe that you don’t have to share every single value that your partner shares in order for a relationship to work (See my post: Do You Share The Same Values?), if you value family and your partner does not, this could end up being a serious deal breaker.

If you intend to start a family with your partner one day, you’ll want him or her to value the family you’ve created.

But, if your partner doesn’t value their own family now, how much will they really value the family you create together? Think about that!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Why You Shouldn’t Change Your Facebook Relationship Status

Posted on November 1, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Facebook was created as on online medium to stay connected with friends, but, in truth, it’s a forum that showcases every last thing about your personal life.

While you do have the ability to change your privacy settings on Facebook and control who sees what content, the majority of Facebook users (both men and women) are putting way too much information about themselves on their Facebook profiles.

Specifically, when it comes to Facebook relationship statuses, many women tend to broadcast each and every one of their relationships to the Facebook world.

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When Is It Ok To Change Your Facebook Relationship Status?

Unless you’re married, you should never put your relationship status on Facebook.

Many of the people you’re “friends” with on Facebook aren’t actually your real friends, so you shouldn’t be sharing all your relationships with them.

Truly, it’s nobody’s business on Facebook to know when and who you are in a relationship with.

As you get older and cultivate more Facebook friends that are co-workers and people you met in networking or business events, you especially don’t need to share details about your personal life.

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Why You Shouldn’t Change Your Relationship Status On Facebook

I know a lot of you are probably fighting this piece of dating advice, but think about how bad you’ve felt when you’ve had to change your relationship status back to single and you get bombarded with questions directly on your Facebook wall about why the relationship ended.

When you’re Facebook “friends” ask, “Oh my goodness, are you okay,” and “what happened,” on your wall do you really want to respond to these questions directly on your Facebook wall as well? Of course not!

The truth is, no one wants to answer relationship questions on their Facebook wall or any public forum for that matter.

But, because you put your relationship on blast on Facebook, you opened yourself up to people you barely know and friends with bad Facebook etiquette asking you seriously personal questions in a public forum where you wouldn’t want to answer them.

Another reason why you shouldn’t share you’re relationship status on Facebook is that you don’t want everyone on Facebook keeping track of the number of relationships that you’ve had.

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You’re Single Until You’re Married

Remember, you’re single until you’re married!

When you’re filling out applications or forms, you can only select single, married, or divorced. There’s no box to select for “in a relationship” or “it’s complicated.”

Since you’re single until you’re married, your Facebook relationship status should reflect that!

When you’re married, you can freely and happily broadcast that on Facebook, but until that time keep your relationship status as “single” on your Facebook and other social media accounts.

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Do You Feel Pressure to Get Married?

Posted on September 27, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Although we live in an era where men and women are getting married at much older ages, this shift hasn’t affected men as much as it has affected women.

Society accepts men being “bachelors” for a longer period of time now. Man can live the bachelor life well into their 30’s without repercussions.

And, in contrast to women, when men are ready to settle down in a relationship in their older age, they are still considered very eligible bachelors.

But, when a woman is over 30, she isn’t necessarily viewed as a very “eligible” bachelorette.

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Why The Pressure to Get Married?

Most women in their mid 20’s or even earlier start feeling pressure from their family or friends to find a boyfriend, get married, and have kids.

Most of our parents and grandparents grew up in an era where getting married at a young age was the norm.

Women went from their parent’s house straight to their husband’s house and being married by 18 wasn’t seen the way it is today.

With this, you can understand why older generations don’t necessarily understand a woman’s choice to remain single past the age of about 20.

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The Double Standard

It’s a shame that as a single woman ages, sometimes her value in the eyes of the world tends to decrease while a man’s value tends to increase as he ages.

It’s a clear double standard.

Men age, cultivate their careers, and build their wealth and this makes them more desirable, eligible bachelors to women.

But, it’s not necessarily the same for women. A 40-year old man with his career together is more sought after than a 40 year old woman with her career and life together.

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Why Fight The Pressure to Get Married?

Here’s the problem…

If you do fall victim to society’s pressure to get married before you’ve met your match, you’ll quickly pick and marry a man who isn’t right for you.

You’ll settle. You’ll let go of all those things you’ve wanted for yourself and pretty much just take what you can get at the moment.

Because, time is of the essence right?

When you feel pressure to be married, you have to remember that settling for any man won’t make you happy in the long run!

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Whose Life Is It?

While your family and friends may encourage you to settle down with someone who isn’t right for you, you have to remember that it’s YOU who has to be with this person for the rest of your life, not your family or friends!

Your family and friends won’t have to deal with those problems that come with dating and marrying the wrong person, you will!!

Despite the world wanting you to be married, you can’t let this run you into the arms of Mr. Wrong.

Hold out for your Mr. Right, as hard as that may be! He will come along one day and the wait will certainly be worth it!!

Stay strong my single ladies!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

The Most Important Thing to do After a Break Up

Posted on August 30, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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After a break up, an important part of the healing and learning process is reflecting back on the relationship.

The relationship playback is basically the process of playing back the relationship in your mind from the first date until the last day.

The relationship playback is the time when you’re able to see all those signs that were showing you the problems in your relationship. What once seemed like small unimportant things now look like obvious red flags you should have picked up on.

This process can be difficult and mentally exhausting. But, it truly helps you learn valuable lessons to grow from because it allows you to see your relationship more objectively since you’ve been removed from the situation altogether.

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Trust Your Gut!

How many times have you had a genuine feeling that your boyfriend was cheating on you just to eventually find out that you were right?

When your gut tells you that your boyfriend is not being faithful to you, trust your gut! It’s called women’s intuition for a reason! You’ve been given a special gift that allows you to sense when things aren’t right.

These feelings are usually a result of red flags that your mind has processed, but that you didn’t really pay attention to or you purposefully ignored.

Whether it’s cheating or something else, the next time your gut tells you something isn’t right, don’t just write those feelings off because you may eventually come to regret that decision.

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The Relationship PlayBack
Perhaps your ex boyfriend was very controlling, but you didn’t realize it until you were already in a committed relationship.

Well, the relationship playback, if you’re open to growing, allows you to learn from your mistakes. It really is the best way to avoid carrying emotional baggage from one relationship into your future dating!

The relationship playback is where you take note of those red flags you need to watch for in the future. And, it also gives you the opportunity to recognize and correct those relationship problems that you created or enabled.

So, after a break up, make sure you do the relationship playback so you can gain the wisdom that’s necessary to attract a great, loving, and healthy relationship in the future!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

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Red Flag: He “Fell Asleep”

5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For

Stop Being The Victim!

Do You Share the Same Values?

Posted on August 16, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Having shared values can definitely reduce the amount of disagreements you have in various areas of your relationship.

For example, if you both want to have kids but practice different religions, there could be serious disagreements over how to raise the children.

But, this is not to say that if you don’t share most of the same values your relationship won’t work. I’m not saying that all!!

Ultimately, it comes down to each persons ability to compromise and be flexible in their “ways.”

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Don’t Count Him Out!

The truth is, you could meet a great man that doesn’t share the same beliefs as you, but is accepting of your choice and willing to expose your children to both religions.

So, try to not get caught up in having all of the same beliefs as your man and keep yourself open to great men that could come along in very different packages!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Family Won’t Forget Your Boyfriend’s Bad Behavior

Posted on August 9, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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What can you expect from your family and friends when you tell them about your boyfriend’s bad behavior and decide to stay in the relationship anyway?

First, you can expect them to write your boyfriend off as a good match for you. They certainly won’t be as supportive of your relationship with him after his wrongdoing.

Second, the negative feelings your family and friends have towards your boyfriend’s wrongdoing could translate to tension, awkwardness, or flat out animosity between your loved ones and your man.

When a woman’s boyfriend and her family don’t get along, the unfortunate consequence is that she may start seeing her family much less, if at all.

Sadly, the tension between your family and boyfriend and the ill-feelings that are harbored often times results in a woman choosing her boyfriend over her family.

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Your Family Didn’t Forgive Him

You have to remember, your family isn’t the one who forgives your boyfriend of his wrongdoing, it’s you that forgives him.

And, although you may forgive your man for cheating or some other egregious act, your family and friends will never forget what he did to you or how he hurt you.

Your boyfriend may have apologized to you profusely and showered you with gifts or affection, but your family and friends aren’t on the receiving end of this. So, its much harder for them to let go of your man’s bad behavior since they aren’t a part of the “making up process.”

On top of that, your loved ones may not be willing to sugarcoat their feelings or “play nice” with your boyfriend when he’s around.

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Don’t Expect Family to Support Your Decision

So, if you plan on staying with your boyfriend after he’s hurt you in some way, don’t expect your family to be supportive of your decision!

Don’t be mad when your family and friends don’t condone your relationship or aren’t even willing to hide their true feelings about your man.

While you don’t want there to be tension between your family and boyfriend, staying in a bad relationship could result in exactly that!

Do you really feel that your family will want you to stay in an unhealthy or dysfunctional relationship? Not a chance!

The reality is, having family and friends that care about your well-being is much more important than having people in your life that are willing to support or encourage your destructive decisions.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Date The Man You Want!!

Posted on August 2, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Often times, women are so eager to have a boyfriend or get married that they allow themselves to date the first man that comes along who is open to a relationship.

Unfortunately, many women fail to determine whether a man is a quality person, let alone the right man for them.

With their sights set on marriage and kids, some women will overlook the fact that a man lacks certain important qualities.

Date The Man You Actually Want!

What many women fail to realize is that who you date is ultimately who you marry.

If he acts a certain way when you’re dating, you best believe he’s going to act the exact same way if you get married too!

Neither you nor a marriage can change a man into something that he is not.

In fact, whatever he is now may be amplified over the years so make sure a man is actually right for you before jumping into a relationship with him.

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Don’t Try To Change A Man

It’s very foolish to think you can change a man.

So, instead of dating any man that’s willing to call you his girlfriend, take the time to decipher whether a person is right for you and whether you’d be a good match.

If you feel the need to change a man, then you’re in the wrong relationship!

Save yourself the time and heartache and date the man who actually is who you want to date!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Clean Up For Your Date

Posted on July 26, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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First impressions are everything!

While you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, many people make snap judgments based on what they immediately see and aren’t willing to stick around to learn much more.

Making good first impressions doesn’t just apply to how you look the first time you meet someone.

You also need to make a good first impression when a new person you’re dating comes to your home!

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Clean It Up!

It’s really important that you clean your home and make it nice and neat before you have a new dating companion come over.

If you have clothes thrown everywhere and dirty dishes piled up in the sink, your date might feel like it isn’t a place where they’d want to spend much of their time, if any.

It’s okay if you tend to have the “organized mess” or just the messy mess altogether, but you definitely want your date to feel comfortable in your home.

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Are You Normally A Messy Person?

People that tend to be messy sometimes think, “Hey, I’m a messy person and anyone I date needs to be able to accept that!”

Although this is true to an extent, letting a new person see you live in a pigsty may be very off-putting for them.

When someone gets to know you better and develops feelings for you they can more easily overlook some messy habits.

But, if you expose someone to your unclean home too soon, it could be more difficult to be overlooked.

So, take the time to clean up your home before your date comes over!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For

Posted on July 19, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Last week I discussed 5 red flags that men need to pay attention to, so this week I’ve addressed 5 red flags that women should watch for. I wrote this article for Singles Warehouse and you can access it on their website here: 5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

5 Red Flags Men Need To Watch For

Posted on July 12, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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While I normally address red flags that women should be watchful for with men, I want to focus on 5 red flags that men need to watch for with women.

Although some men are great at identifying red flags that tell you a woman may not be good relationship material, some men don’t readily notice these clues.

So, here are 5 Red Flags That Men Need To Watch For:

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1. She Talks About The Future Too Soon

Talking about “the future” too soon is definitely a red flag that you need to pay attention to. This is a sign that she may try to force the progression of your relationship.

Listen carefully when your date is speaking. If she uses the word “we” a lot, then you have a good idea of what you may be getting yourself into by continuing to date this woman.

If a woman is making plans for the both of you and it’s only your second date, you can’t act surprised when soon after she’s trying to pressure you into a relationship and then marriage!

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2. She’s Needy, Clingy, or Desperate

It’s never a good idea to date a needy or clingy woman. Clinginess is a sign that a woman will have dependency issues in the relationship.

Dating a woman that is completely dependent on you is detrimental to having a healthy relationship.

A needy woman requires A LOT of attention and pacifying. She can’t be alone and she’ll want to spend all of her time with you, which could make you feel suffocated by her attention.

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3. She Talks About Her Ex

Talking about exes on the first few dates is a HUGE red flag! If she’s talking about her ex-boyfriend on a date with you, face it, she’s NOT over him.

You don’t want to have to deal with the emotional baggage she’s carrying from her last relationship.

Some women don’t take the necessary time to deal with issues from their previous relationship and actually HEAL before getting back into the dating world.

If you don’t want to deal with a woman’s issues that another man caused, then steer clear of the woman who can’t help but talk about her ex!

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4. She’s Jealous Or Snoops

If your date makes a reference to you being a player type or suggests that you must date many women, and you’re not, this is a red flag that she may be the jealous type.

You don’t want to date a woman who is jealous for no reason because this will play out in your relationship if you decide to date her exclusively.

With a jealous woman, she may accuse you of cheating or even snoop through your phone or other things. Dating a jealous woman is not conducive to having a happy or healthy relationship.

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5. She’s Insecure or Lacks Self-Confidence

If a woman is very insecure and lacks self-confidence, this is a sign that you will have to put A LOT of effort into dating this woman.

This is because an insecure woman requires a lot of emotional work and, therefore, a lot of emotional support from you.

While it may seem admirable to take this relationship on and try to help your girlfriend work through her self-worth issues, true change can only come from her.

There’s nothing you can do to make her secure about herself. It’s called “SELF-” worth and “SELF-” confidence for a reason, it has to come from her, NOT you!

Any Thoughts?

What are your experiences with dealing with these kinds of red flags? I’d love to hear your stories and perspectives, so please leave a comment below!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Do Men Want to Date New Millennium Women?

Posted on July 6, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Check out this article I wrote for Digital Romance Inc. This is a read you definitely don’t want to miss! You can find my article Here.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

4 Problems with Drinking on First Dates

Posted on July 5, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When you go out on a date, you hope to have great conversation and make a great connection. But sometimes, nervous or anxious feelings prevent us from maximizing our connection with a date.

For some people, drinking alcohol seems like a great way to loosen up and make the date a more fluid and enjoyable one.

However, while alcohol may temporarily ease that nervous energy, there’s a fine line between easing your tension and destroying the possibility of making a genuine connection with your date.

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What’s Wrong With Drinking on First Dates?

Alcohol can easily have a negative effect on your date. You may become a little too loosened up by the alcohol, which could lead to a number of problems on the date.

Here are 4 problems with drinking on first dates:

You might divulge way too much information too soon (To find out what “too much information too soon” is, check out my post on the topic Here);
You might bring up inappropriate first date topics like religion, politics, exes, and more;
You might make inappropriate comments that offend your date; and
You might have a false sense that you made a real connection with your date.

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False Sense Of Making A Connection

One of the worst problems with drinking on first dates is the fact that the alcohol could lead you to feeling that you’ve made a genuine connection with your date when, in fact, you haven’t made a connection at all.

By the end of the date, you may feel much closer to your date and “connected” while your date feels annoyed, offended, or completely disinterested.

Consuming alcohol makes it more difficult to recognize those subtle clues that let you know whether someone is interested in you or not.

In fact, alcohol can make you flat out misinterpret social cues that tell you a person is uncomfortable with your behavior, language, or conversation topics

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Make A Love Connection!

In order to increase your chances of making a genuine connection or recognizing when there isn’t one, stick to ONE alcoholic drink on your date.

If you’re a more frequent or regular drinker, then you may bump this up to two. But, under no circumstances should you have more than 1-2 drinks on your first few dates!

Digital Romance Inc.

I’ve written an article for Digital Romance Inc. and it will be published on their website tomorrow! This is definitely a read you don’t want to miss!!

I’m really excited to write for Digital Romance Inc! Their “goal is to give you solutions to the entire range of relationship problems that people have been experiencing for… well, for as long as people have had relationships.”

Check out my website tomorrow for a direct link to my article!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Are We Learning or Barely Discerning?: Serial Relationships

Posted on June 21, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You’re not necessarily supposed to be in a relationship for every year of your adult life. Yet, you’ll often find women who are envious of their friends with serial relationships.

You know the women I’m talking about, the ones who are never single for more than a few weeks at a time, the ones who jump from one relationship to the very next without even batting an eye. They’ve always had serial relationships.

But, these are not women to be jealous or envious of.

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How Many Relationships Should You Have?

If you’re wondering how many relationships you’re supposed to have, realize that there is no magic number that’s going to bring you any closer to your “Mr. Right.”

Your chances of meeting the right man and getting married is not dependent upon the number of relationships that you’ve had in your life.

At the end of the day, what’s truly important is your ability to learn from your past relationships in order to recognize and change those things that prevent you from attracting quality men and healthy relationships.

If you jump from relationship to relationship without taking the time to think about the choices you made or bad behavior you accepted, you’ll continue to have bad relationship after bad relationship and you’ll face the same issues each time if not worse.

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Inhibiting Self-Awareness & Change

Some women won’t leave a bad relationship until there’s another man to latch onto and this isn’t healthy at all. In doing this, you avoid facing and addressing serious issues you have with yourself and your relationships.

Going from relationship to relationship, doesn’t give yourself enough time to heal, learn, and grow from that experience. But, why is this important?

It’s important because you’ll never learn the lessons you’re supposed to from your past relationships with men. It’s important because you’ll continue to choose the wrong kind of men and make the same mistakes over and over.

Serial relationships don’t enable you to do the deep soul-searching that needs to be done to figure out why you chose to date your ex, what mistakes you made, and what changes need to be made in your dating life.

Be accountable, be knowledgable of your actions and yourself, take the time to reflect on your relationship and heal before you look to getting into another one!

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Are You Envying A Healthy Relationship?

Some women are jealous of another woman’s serial relationships, not because those relationships are healthy or have a great dynamic, but simply because they just want a boyfriend too.

Most of the time, when women are envious of their friends with serial relationships, those relationships are usually unhealthy ones that shouldn’t be envied at all.

The truth is, you should never envy another person’s relationship. The old saying is certainly true, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side.”

Unfortunately, many women are more than happy to put up fake fronts about how great their relationship is, even if she’s miserable in it.

Therefore, you should never get caught up wanting what someone else has. You never know what really goes on behind closed doors.

Don’t Entertain Self-Doubt

When you have a friend that easily finds her next relationship, it may make you look at yourself and wonder why you aren’t able to do the same.

But, you aren’t inadequate or lacking in any way simply because you haven’t had as many relationships as your friends or because you’ve been single for awhile.

Don’t be jealous or envious of your friends that always have a man. Focus on growing as a person and taking much needed lessons from your past relationships and dealings with men so your next relationship will be a better and healthier one!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

For more great dating advice and must-read dating articles, Follow me on Twitter Here and on Facebook Here

Red Flag: He “Fell Asleep”

Posted on June 14, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of StockImages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This week, I wanted to address a very common red flag that most younger women tend to overlook.

How many times have you had plans with a man just for him to be a “no call, no show?”

You made plans the day before or even days in advance, but when the time comes to see each other he’s not picking up his phone. And, he’s definitely not calling back.

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What Does “Falling Asleep” On You Mean?

If a man stands you up and tells you the next day that he “fell asleep,” trust me, HE’S LYING!

The harsh reality is that he’s not into you at all! Men don’t fall asleep when they have plans with a woman.

Most likely, he found something better to do, maybe with another woman, or he wasn’t even in the mood to talk to you or deal with you at all.

It’s sad that some men don’t even have enough respect for a woman to call her and cancel their plans. The truth is, he shouldn’t have made plans with you in the first place.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This Won’t Be The Last Time

One thing that I can guarantee you though, if a man tells you that he fell asleep when you had plans, this won’t be the last time that he’s a “no call, no show.”

The only difference will be that each time he “disappears” on you like this, he’s excuses will get bigger and bigger.

It could go from “falling asleep” to “losing his phone” to “being sick in the hospital.”

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How Do You Handle It?

When the guy you had plans with doesn’t call you or return your call, either you start worrying about his well-being OR you get pissed!

Pissed that he’s standing you up. Pissed that he doesn’t have the decency to call or cancel the date. Pissed that he put you through this (and you got all cute and everything too)!

Now, some women in this position will call the man once or twice while others will blow up his phone all night and probably leave a few voicemails or texts cursing him out.

All of that is unnecessary though! When a man stands you up, the last thing you need to do is worry about his well-being, blow up his phone, or waste your energy cursing him out!

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Did You Push For The Date?

Interestingly enough though, women usually encounter these situations when they are the ones pursuing the man. Think about it.

If this has ever happened to you, were you the one that pushed the topic of getting together? Did he actually say he wanted to do something with you or did he just agree to your suggestion to meet?

It’s important not to chase men into relationships. You may get some attention from your efforts, but it may not be lasting.

Let a man go after you so that you don’t force yourself on someone that just isn’t that into you.

The next time a man “falls asleep” on you, drop him like a hot potato and never look back!!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Stay Connected With Dee’s Dating Diary

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Who Comes First in a Relationship?

Posted on June 7, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Many times when women are in a relationship, they put their boyfriends before themselves. They do what’s in their beaux’s best interest, but not their own.

Unless you’re engaged or married, you have to put yourself first!

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Lost Opportunities

In a relationship, you’re still two separate people with separate lives. While you try to be a part of each other’s lives, what’s in each person’s best interest may be very different.

For example, you may get a great job offer that could take your career to the next level.

However, because they job is in a different city or state, you may pass up on the opportunity in order to stay closer to your man.

While his best interest is for you to stay, your best interest is to leave and take the job. You’re best interest should take priority over his.

The truth is, you have to continue to pursue your dreams or what’s best for your career while you’re in a relationship. If you don’t, you’ll eventually regret these missed opportunities.

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Will He Move With You?

If a man loves you and feels strongly enough about you, he will follow you wherever you go. If he doesn’t, then he won’t.

Now, there is an exception to this rule. If his career has no mobility or there isn’t a demand for his expertise in the new city, then moving may mean career suicide for him.

Perhaps his career is client-based and moving would mean starting over or changing careers altogether. This is definitely something that also has to be taken into consideration.

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Stay True To Yourself

Unless there’s a ring on your finger, you’d be doing yourself a disservice to plan and live your life around a man.

It’s very important that you don’t lose sight of yourself while you’re in a relationship.

Always follow your dreams and do what’s in your best interest so that, at the end of the day, you won’t have to live with any regret over lost opportunities.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Stay Connected With Dee’s Dating Diary

For more great dating advice and must-read articles, follow Dee’s Dating Diary on Facebook and Twitter!

Follow Me On Facebook Here: Dee’s Dating Diary

Follow Me On Twitter Here: @DeesDatingDiary

Dating Down

Posted on May 31, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In this day and age, it’s quite unfortunate that you see so many women “dating down.”

But, what is dating down, you ask?

Dating down is when you date men that aren’t good for you or worthy of you.

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Common Types of “Dating Down”

If you’re dating a man that doesn’t respect and cherish you and the value that you bring to the relationship, and instead, puts you down, cheats on you, abuses you or controls your every movement, then you’re dating down.

Do you have to fight for attention? Ask your man to call you? Or remind him that you exist?? You’re dating down.

Are you an ambitious, driven, well-educated woman dating a man who isn’t ambitious or driven to, for example, learn a trade/skill, pursue entrepreneurial endeavors, or pursue a higher education? Well, you’re dating down.

Are you supporting a man that isn’t self sufficient? Whether he’s “borrowing” your money or your car, face it, you’re dating down!

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Problems With Dating Down

When you date down, you open yourself up to significant problems that you shouldn’t have to deal with.

These relationships negatively affect your self-esteem. You’ll probably start to think that this is what you deserve. That you’ll never find better.

You’ll eventually downplay your self-worth and, consequently, your self-confidence will dwindle as well.

When you’re treated poorly or stay in the wrong relationship, you’ll get desensitized to those things that you shouldn’t have to accept.

The chances of your next relationship being healthier or better is slim because you’ve gotten used to accepting less than what you need and deserve from a relationship. This easily turns into a cycle.

You may even falsely believe that it’s better to have this man than no man at all.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ready For Change?

Dating down can lead you to resenting the man you’re dating because he’s not who you want him to be. But, truthfully, you can only blame yourself for choosing to date a man that wasn’t right for you in the first place.

If you’ve been dating down, you owe it to yourself to let that relationship go in order to attract a man who actually deserves you. A man who appreciates your worth, a man you don’t have to financially support, a man who has ambition.

Give yourself a chance to attract a man that is on your level. Someone who is self sufficient and can pay his own bills and maintain his own car.

You’ll never have a better relationship as long as you stay in the wrong one. So free yourself now, as hard as it may be, so that you can have true happiness in the future.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Dating With Daddy Issues

Posted on May 24, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There are some women who have a preference for dating older men while other women just “happen” into these relationships.

Majority of the time, women date older men that remind them of their fathers or who fulfill some fatherly role for them.

Although this happens more so with women who grew up without a father in their life, even women who did have a father growing up find themselves looking to an older man for certain qualities or support that a father would provide.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating Older Men

The truth is, you shouldn’t be dating a man because he provides you with something you’re father never did or used to when he was alive.

Dating an older man can be tricky because sometimes you’ll find that older men play just as many games with your heart as younger men, except they’re much better at the game than any youngster out there!

Older men understand women much more and can easily use that to manipulate a younger woman’s mind and emotions.

You definitely need to understand whether your feelings for an older man are genuine or a by-product of missing or craving some fatherly like fulfillment in your life.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Aging Out”

When you date an older man you always have to worry about whether you’re going to “age out” of the relationship.

Meaning, you’ll constantly be stressing about whether you’re getting too old for your older man.He may just have a thing for younger women.

He may like the ease that comes with dating a younger, more naive person.

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Relationship Awareness

Just be cognizant of the reasons you and your older man want a relationship with each other.

Make sure it’s coming from a healthy place on BOTH sides!

Deal with your daddy issues and make sure you aren’t replacing your father with your boyfriend.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

He Can’t Complete You!

Posted on May 17, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Many women feel they need a man to “complete” them. They’ll say a man is their “better half” or “he completes me.”

But, the truth is, a man can’t complete you. Only you can complete you! Two halves won’t actually make a whole, so you need to feel whole with or without a man.

It’s unfair to yourself to base your completeness and happiness on whether you’re in a relationship.

And, if you do, you’ll be miserable when you’re single and possibly desperate for any man who will show you attention.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What’s The Root of the Issue?

To say that a man completes you, is to say that you have some void in your life without a man.

You have to be complete on your own before entering a relationship or this could cause other serious issues with your boyfriend.

Ultimately, dependency issues may be at the root of needing a man to “complete” you. Are you clingy or needy in your relationships?

You may find yourself not wanting to do any activities without your boyfriend. Or, maybe you don’t want him to do any activities without you.

Either way, falling victim to this “he completes me” mentality may lead you to becoming unhealthily dependent on your boyfriend and relationship.

It’s time to start evaluating yourself. You need to figure out why you think you need a man to complete you.

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Self-Actualization

If you say that a man completes you, then you’re incomplete when he’s gone. What are you when your “better half” leaves?

Why aren’t you a complete person without a man?

Honestly think about these questions so that you can help yourself come to terms with the fact that you’re an amazing woman who doesn’t need any person to complete you!

You are and always will be a whole person. You were born as a complete woman and to allow yourself to think otherwise is absurd.

A man is meant to complement who you are, NOT complete you! Remember that!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Choose Your Battles Wisely!

Posted on May 10, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I know we’ve all heard the saying, “Choose your battles wisely.” But, for many women their understanding of this statement is superficial.

There are very specific reasons why you have to choose your battles wisely.

For one, if someone feels like you’re always “nagging” them, they’ll get tired of it really quickly.

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The Urge To Push

Many times when women feel like there’s a problem with something their boyfriend is or isn’t doing, they will tell him about it and push him for change, over and over again.

The problem is, one day you’ll encounter a serious problem in your relationship and when you address it, he may be so tired of constantly being told about your problems with him that he won’t genuinely hear what you’re saying, whether it’s valid or not.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Effect of Constantly “Nagging”

Even if he does hear you out, even if you’re problem is legitimate, he may be so fed up with all the “issues” you have that he won’t be motivated to change anything else. He may think that no amount of change will be enough for you.

Now, it’s not that a man doesn’t want to know about serious issues that you’re having with him, but the truth is, when you’ve brought up too many petty, unimportant issues it’s very difficult to be taken seriously.

While communication is key in any relationship, if you choose to focus on small things that you possibly should be learning to live with, you actually weaken your voice and hurt your chance of being listened to.

If you want to choose your battles wisely, start by evaluating whether your issue is really an issue. If it’s really not a big deal, let it go. If it is a big deal or even a deal breaker, definitely address it!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Focus On One Issue

Often times when women are addressing an issue with their boyfriend, they bring up so many other issues at the same time, that it becomes extremely difficult for their boyfriend to understand “the point” and focus on the most important issue.

If you bring up multiple issues in one discussion, your boyfriend may heavily focus on the wrong issue and upset you even more by not “getting it.”

But, this isn’t necessarily his fault. When we tie in several different problems into one discussion, it can make it much harder to logically follow what the problem is.

You actually make it more difficult to solve any one problem when you bring up other unrelated issues.

Therefore, to get the best results, you can only address one issue at a time. But, you have to fight the urge to bring up another issue immediately after one is resolved.

Although you may have smoothly resolved one issue, going through more than one issue in a day isn’t wise.

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Positive Reinforcement

After you’ve resolved an issue with your boyfriend, thank him for listening to you. Thank him for opening up and honestly discussing his feelings.

Whether you think this is necessary or not, a small display of gratitude can go a long way.

Thanking your boyfriend for having an open, honest, productive conversation is positive reinforcement for him to do it again in the future.

You punish bad behavior, so you definitely need to reward good behavior. You should always show your boyfriend appreciation for his positive behavior.

Conclusion

Remember, if you’re always bringing up petty issues with your boyfriend, most likely, when you encounter a serious problem and bring it up, you’ll be tuned out and he may feel that you’ll always have some type of problem with him.

So, choose your battles wisely by only addressing important issues and focus on just one problem at a time.

You’ll find that it’s much easier to communicate and reach a happy resolution that way.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Your Self-Confidence Can’t Depend on Him!!

Posted on May 3, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Pat138241/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Unfortunately, many women who are hurt by men start feeling like they aren’t as pretty or smart as they really are.

Why is it that women tend to base their self-esteem and self-confidence on how men treat them or feel about them?

The hardships women face in dealing with men, frequently force women to rethink the way they feel about themselves and this isn’t right!!

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dating Problems Are Just That

The problems you experience in dating are just that, dating problems and nothing more. These problems shouldn’t determine how you feel about yourself and your beauty!

When men have problems in their relationships, do you think they start questioning their self-worth?

Or do you think they take those problems for what they are and not let them turn into other self-esteem issues?

When you have problems in your dating life, you definitely need to do some deep thinking about what went wrong and how you may have contributed to those problems.

But, the last thing you need to start thinking is, “Am I not pretty enough? Skinny enough? Entertaining enough?”

You can’t let a man make you feel badly about those fundamental things about yourself. You felt beautiful when you first started dating him, right? So, why should you not feel beautiful when you stop dating him?

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

His Games Shouldn’t Affect Your Self-Worth

Just because a man has chosen to play games with your heart or lead you on, doesn’t mean that you aren’t a great woman! A man’s issues shouldn’t lead you to have more issues of your own.

Take responsibility for the problems you caused or enabled in your relationships, but NEVER EVER think that you are any less of the smart, beautiful, caring woman that you were when he met you.

Your self-confidence should never be a reflection of how men feel about you!

Even if he cheats on you, you can’t start convincing yourself that you aren’t pretty.

Image courtesy of Nuchylee/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Maintain Your Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem is just that, SELF–esteem. It’s YOU that determines it, not a man and certainly not the world.

You have to know your worth and maintain your self-confidence no matter what you go through with men.

Now, I know it’s much easier to say don’t let men’s bad behavior affect your self-esteem than actually living it.

But, the truth is, you’re giving men way too much control over your emotional well-being and self-esteem by letting them dictate your level of self-confidence.

No matter what you go through in this world, know your worth and NEVER FORGET IT!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee!