Clean Up For Your Date

Posted on July 26, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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First impressions are everything!

While you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, many people make snap judgments based on what they immediately see and aren’t willing to stick around to learn much more.

Making good first impressions doesn’t just apply to how you look the first time you meet someone.

You also need to make a good first impression when a new person you’re dating comes to your home!

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Clean It Up!

It’s really important that you clean your home and make it nice and neat before you have a new dating companion come over.

If you have clothes thrown everywhere and dirty dishes piled up in the sink, your date might feel like it isn’t a place where they’d want to spend much of their time, if any.

It’s okay if you tend to have the “organized mess” or just the messy mess altogether, but you definitely want your date to feel comfortable in your home.

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Are You Normally A Messy Person?

People that tend to be messy sometimes think, “Hey, I’m a messy person and anyone I date needs to be able to accept that!”

Although this is true to an extent, letting a new person see you live in a pigsty may be very off-putting for them.

When someone gets to know you better and develops feelings for you they can more easily overlook some messy habits.

But, if you expose someone to your unclean home too soon, it could be more difficult to be overlooked.

So, take the time to clean up your home before your date comes over!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For

Posted on July 19, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Last week I discussed 5 red flags that men need to pay attention to, so this week I’ve addressed 5 red flags that women should watch for. I wrote this article for Singles Warehouse and you can access it on their website here: 5 Red Flags For Women To Watch For

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

5 Red Flags Men Need To Watch For

Posted on July 12, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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While I normally address red flags that women should be watchful for with men, I want to focus on 5 red flags that men need to watch for with women.

Although some men are great at identifying red flags that tell you a woman may not be good relationship material, some men don’t readily notice these clues.

So, here are 5 Red Flags That Men Need To Watch For:

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1. She Talks About The Future Too Soon

Talking about “the future” too soon is definitely a red flag that you need to pay attention to. This is a sign that she may try to force the progression of your relationship.

Listen carefully when your date is speaking. If she uses the word “we” a lot, then you have a good idea of what you may be getting yourself into by continuing to date this woman.

If a woman is making plans for the both of you and it’s only your second date, you can’t act surprised when soon after she’s trying to pressure you into a relationship and then marriage!

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2. She’s Needy, Clingy, or Desperate

It’s never a good idea to date a needy or clingy woman. Clinginess is a sign that a woman will have dependency issues in the relationship.

Dating a woman that is completely dependent on you is detrimental to having a healthy relationship.

A needy woman requires A LOT of attention and pacifying. She can’t be alone and she’ll want to spend all of her time with you, which could make you feel suffocated by her attention.

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3. She Talks About Her Ex

Talking about exes on the first few dates is a HUGE red flag! If she’s talking about her ex-boyfriend on a date with you, face it, she’s NOT over him.

You don’t want to have to deal with the emotional baggage she’s carrying from her last relationship.

Some women don’t take the necessary time to deal with issues from their previous relationship and actually HEAL before getting back into the dating world.

If you don’t want to deal with a woman’s issues that another man caused, then steer clear of the woman who can’t help but talk about her ex!

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4. She’s Jealous Or Snoops

If your date makes a reference to you being a player type or suggests that you must date many women, and you’re not, this is a red flag that she may be the jealous type.

You don’t want to date a woman who is jealous for no reason because this will play out in your relationship if you decide to date her exclusively.

With a jealous woman, she may accuse you of cheating or even snoop through your phone or other things. Dating a jealous woman is not conducive to having a happy or healthy relationship.

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5. She’s Insecure or Lacks Self-Confidence

If a woman is very insecure and lacks self-confidence, this is a sign that you will have to put A LOT of effort into dating this woman.

This is because an insecure woman requires a lot of emotional work and, therefore, a lot of emotional support from you.

While it may seem admirable to take this relationship on and try to help your girlfriend work through her self-worth issues, true change can only come from her.

There’s nothing you can do to make her secure about herself. It’s called “SELF-” worth and “SELF-” confidence for a reason, it has to come from her, NOT you!

Any Thoughts?

What are your experiences with dealing with these kinds of red flags? I’d love to hear your stories and perspectives, so please leave a comment below!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Do Men Want to Date New Millennium Women?

Posted on July 6, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Check out this article I wrote for Digital Romance Inc. This is a read you definitely don’t want to miss! You can find my article Here.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

4 Problems with Drinking on First Dates

Posted on July 5, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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When you go out on a date, you hope to have great conversation and make a great connection. But sometimes, nervous or anxious feelings prevent us from maximizing our connection with a date.

For some people, drinking alcohol seems like a great way to loosen up and make the date a more fluid and enjoyable one.

However, while alcohol may temporarily ease that nervous energy, there’s a fine line between easing your tension and destroying the possibility of making a genuine connection with your date.

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What’s Wrong With Drinking on First Dates?

Alcohol can easily have a negative effect on your date. You may become a little too loosened up by the alcohol, which could lead to a number of problems on the date.

Here are 4 problems with drinking on first dates:

You might divulge way too much information too soon (To find out what “too much information too soon” is, check out my post on the topic Here);
You might bring up inappropriate first date topics like religion, politics, exes, and more;
You might make inappropriate comments that offend your date; and
You might have a false sense that you made a real connection with your date.

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False Sense Of Making A Connection

One of the worst problems with drinking on first dates is the fact that the alcohol could lead you to feeling that you’ve made a genuine connection with your date when, in fact, you haven’t made a connection at all.

By the end of the date, you may feel much closer to your date and “connected” while your date feels annoyed, offended, or completely disinterested.

Consuming alcohol makes it more difficult to recognize those subtle clues that let you know whether someone is interested in you or not.

In fact, alcohol can make you flat out misinterpret social cues that tell you a person is uncomfortable with your behavior, language, or conversation topics

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Make A Love Connection!

In order to increase your chances of making a genuine connection or recognizing when there isn’t one, stick to ONE alcoholic drink on your date.

If you’re a more frequent or regular drinker, then you may bump this up to two. But, under no circumstances should you have more than 1-2 drinks on your first few dates!

Digital Romance Inc.

I’ve written an article for Digital Romance Inc. and it will be published on their website tomorrow! This is definitely a read you don’t want to miss!!

I’m really excited to write for Digital Romance Inc! Their “goal is to give you solutions to the entire range of relationship problems that people have been experiencing for… well, for as long as people have had relationships.”

Check out my website tomorrow for a direct link to my article!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Increase Your Chances of Making a Connection

Posted on June 28, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Ideally, we all want to go out on a new date and make a great connection. We’d love to immediately “click” with the other person and hit it off!

But, not everyone is meant to make a connection that, ultimately, sparks a great relationship.

While you won’t always make a connection with new dates, there are things you can do to increase your chances of making a great connection on your next date.

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The On-Hand Technology Dilemma

In this day and age, we have all become so attached to technology and our little gadgets that we often let it get in the way of fully living and enjoying the moment.

We are constantly checking our phone for texts, emails, or calls and it’s to the detriment of what we have going on in front of us.

It’s not possible to be 100% in the moment while your using or checking your phone.

And, you better believe that people can sense when you’re not “in the conversation” and this can limit the amount of effort that a person will make in trying to talk to you or connect with you.

So, with the compulsion we feel towards constantly utilizing our technology, how can we prevent this from interfering with our dates and every day life?

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Turn The Technology Off

In order to increase your chances of making a genuine connection on your dates, you need to turn your technology off!

Now, I do understand that going on a date with someone new can present questions of safety, which necessitates access to your phone in case of an emergency.

However, you can put your phone on vibrate and keep it in your pocket or purse if you won’t feel compelled to pull it out the second it vibrates.

If you can’t keep yourself from checking your phone when you feel it vibrate, then you need to completely turn it off on your date or keep it in your car.

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Make A Connection

It’s nearly impossible to make a connection with someone you don’t know when your face is buried in your phone.

It’s one thing if your expecting a really important phone call, in which case, you should let your date know that you’re expecting an important phone call so they won’t feel unimportant or ignored on the date.

Considering that it’s not always easy to make a connection with someone new, you have to know that regularly checking your phone will actually hurt the flow of conversation and take you “out of the moment.”

In remaining connected to the conversation, and thus, your date, you make it much easier to make a great connection.

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Conversation Is A Two-Way Street

Conversation on a date is not a one-way street. It takes the effort of both people.

If your focus is on your phone and who’s texting or emailing you, you won’t be putting in the requisite amount of effort you need in order to continue the fluidity of your conversation.

Therefore, if you want to increase your chances of making a great connection on your next date, you need to turn your technology off!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Are We Learning or Barely Discerning?: Serial Relationships

Posted on June 21, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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You’re not necessarily supposed to be in a relationship for every year of your adult life. Yet, you’ll often find women who are envious of their friends with serial relationships.

You know the women I’m talking about, the ones who are never single for more than a few weeks at a time, the ones who jump from one relationship to the very next without even batting an eye. They’ve always had serial relationships.

But, these are not women to be jealous or envious of.

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How Many Relationships Should You Have?

If you’re wondering how many relationships you’re supposed to have, realize that there is no magic number that’s going to bring you any closer to your “Mr. Right.”

Your chances of meeting the right man and getting married is not dependent upon the number of relationships that you’ve had in your life.

At the end of the day, what’s truly important is your ability to learn from your past relationships in order to recognize and change those things that prevent you from attracting quality men and healthy relationships.

If you jump from relationship to relationship without taking the time to think about the choices you made or bad behavior you accepted, you’ll continue to have bad relationship after bad relationship and you’ll face the same issues each time if not worse.

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Inhibiting Self-Awareness & Change

Some women won’t leave a bad relationship until there’s another man to latch onto and this isn’t healthy at all. In doing this, you avoid facing and addressing serious issues you have with yourself and your relationships.

Going from relationship to relationship, doesn’t give yourself enough time to heal, learn, and grow from that experience. But, why is this important?

It’s important because you’ll never learn the lessons you’re supposed to from your past relationships with men. It’s important because you’ll continue to choose the wrong kind of men and make the same mistakes over and over.

Serial relationships don’t enable you to do the deep soul-searching that needs to be done to figure out why you chose to date your ex, what mistakes you made, and what changes need to be made in your dating life.

Be accountable, be knowledgable of your actions and yourself, take the time to reflect on your relationship and heal before you look to getting into another one!

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Are You Envying A Healthy Relationship?

Some women are jealous of another woman’s serial relationships, not because those relationships are healthy or have a great dynamic, but simply because they just want a boyfriend too.

Most of the time, when women are envious of their friends with serial relationships, those relationships are usually unhealthy ones that shouldn’t be envied at all.

The truth is, you should never envy another person’s relationship. The old saying is certainly true, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side.”

Unfortunately, many women are more than happy to put up fake fronts about how great their relationship is, even if she’s miserable in it.

Therefore, you should never get caught up wanting what someone else has. You never know what really goes on behind closed doors.

Don’t Entertain Self-Doubt

When you have a friend that easily finds her next relationship, it may make you look at yourself and wonder why you aren’t able to do the same.

But, you aren’t inadequate or lacking in any way simply because you haven’t had as many relationships as your friends or because you’ve been single for awhile.

Don’t be jealous or envious of your friends that always have a man. Focus on growing as a person and taking much needed lessons from your past relationships and dealings with men so your next relationship will be a better and healthier one!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

For more great dating advice and must-read dating articles, Follow me on Twitter Here and on Facebook Here

Red Flag: He “Fell Asleep”

Posted on June 14, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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This week, I wanted to address a very common red flag that most younger women tend to overlook.

How many times have you had plans with a man just for him to be a “no call, no show?”

You made plans the day before or even days in advance, but when the time comes to see each other he’s not picking up his phone. And, he’s definitely not calling back.

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What Does “Falling Asleep” On You Mean?

If a man stands you up and tells you the next day that he “fell asleep,” trust me, HE’S LYING!

The harsh reality is that he’s not into you at all! Men don’t fall asleep when they have plans with a woman.

Most likely, he found something better to do, maybe with another woman, or he wasn’t even in the mood to talk to you or deal with you at all.

It’s sad that some men don’t even have enough respect for a woman to call her and cancel their plans. The truth is, he shouldn’t have made plans with you in the first place.

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This Won’t Be The Last Time

One thing that I can guarantee you though, if a man tells you that he fell asleep when you had plans, this won’t be the last time that he’s a “no call, no show.”

The only difference will be that each time he “disappears” on you like this, he’s excuses will get bigger and bigger.

It could go from “falling asleep” to “losing his phone” to “being sick in the hospital.”

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How Do You Handle It?

When the guy you had plans with doesn’t call you or return your call, either you start worrying about his well-being OR you get pissed!

Pissed that he’s standing you up. Pissed that he doesn’t have the decency to call or cancel the date. Pissed that he put you through this (and you got all cute and everything too)!

Now, some women in this position will call the man once or twice while others will blow up his phone all night and probably leave a few voicemails or texts cursing him out.

All of that is unnecessary though! When a man stands you up, the last thing you need to do is worry about his well-being, blow up his phone, or waste your energy cursing him out!

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Did You Push For The Date?

Interestingly enough though, women usually encounter these situations when they are the ones pursuing the man. Think about it.

If this has ever happened to you, were you the one that pushed the topic of getting together? Did he actually say he wanted to do something with you or did he just agree to your suggestion to meet?

It’s important not to chase men into relationships. You may get some attention from your efforts, but it may not be lasting.

Let a man go after you so that you don’t force yourself on someone that just isn’t that into you.

The next time a man “falls asleep” on you, drop him like a hot potato and never look back!!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

Stay Connected With Dee’s Dating Diary

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Who Comes First in a Relationship?

Posted on June 7, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Many times when women are in a relationship, they put their boyfriends before themselves. They do what’s in their beaux’s best interest, but not their own.

Unless you’re engaged or married, you have to put yourself first!

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Lost Opportunities

In a relationship, you’re still two separate people with separate lives. While you try to be a part of each other’s lives, what’s in each person’s best interest may be very different.

For example, you may get a great job offer that could take your career to the next level.

However, because they job is in a different city or state, you may pass up on the opportunity in order to stay closer to your man.

While his best interest is for you to stay, your best interest is to leave and take the job. You’re best interest should take priority over his.

The truth is, you have to continue to pursue your dreams or what’s best for your career while you’re in a relationship. If you don’t, you’ll eventually regret these missed opportunities.

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Will He Move With You?

If a man loves you and feels strongly enough about you, he will follow you wherever you go. If he doesn’t, then he won’t.

Now, there is an exception to this rule. If his career has no mobility or there isn’t a demand for his expertise in the new city, then moving may mean career suicide for him.

Perhaps his career is client-based and moving would mean starting over or changing careers altogether. This is definitely something that also has to be taken into consideration.

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Stay True To Yourself

Unless there’s a ring on your finger, you’d be doing yourself a disservice to plan and live your life around a man.

It’s very important that you don’t lose sight of yourself while you’re in a relationship.

Always follow your dreams and do what’s in your best interest so that, at the end of the day, you won’t have to live with any regret over lost opportunities.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Stay Connected With Dee’s Dating Diary

For more great dating advice and must-read articles, follow Dee’s Dating Diary on Facebook and Twitter!

Follow Me On Facebook Here: Dee’s Dating Diary

Follow Me On Twitter Here: @DeesDatingDiary

Dating Down

Posted on May 31, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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In this day and age, it’s quite unfortunate that you see so many women “dating down.”

But, what is dating down, you ask?

Dating down is when you date men that aren’t good for you or worthy of you.

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Common Types of “Dating Down”

If you’re dating a man that doesn’t respect and cherish you and the value that you bring to the relationship, and instead, puts you down, cheats on you, abuses you or controls your every movement, then you’re dating down.

Do you have to fight for attention? Ask your man to call you? Or remind him that you exist?? You’re dating down.

Are you an ambitious, driven, well-educated woman dating a man who isn’t ambitious or driven to, for example, learn a trade/skill, pursue entrepreneurial endeavors, or pursue a higher education? Well, you’re dating down.

Are you supporting a man that isn’t self sufficient? Whether he’s “borrowing” your money or your car, face it, you’re dating down!

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Problems With Dating Down

When you date down, you open yourself up to significant problems that you shouldn’t have to deal with.

These relationships negatively affect your self-esteem. You’ll probably start to think that this is what you deserve. That you’ll never find better.

You’ll eventually downplay your self-worth and, consequently, your self-confidence will dwindle as well.

When you’re treated poorly or stay in the wrong relationship, you’ll get desensitized to those things that you shouldn’t have to accept.

The chances of your next relationship being healthier or better is slim because you’ve gotten used to accepting less than what you need and deserve from a relationship. This easily turns into a cycle.

You may even falsely believe that it’s better to have this man than no man at all.

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Ready For Change?

Dating down can lead you to resenting the man you’re dating because he’s not who you want him to be. But, truthfully, you can only blame yourself for choosing to date a man that wasn’t right for you in the first place.

If you’ve been dating down, you owe it to yourself to let that relationship go in order to attract a man who actually deserves you. A man who appreciates your worth, a man you don’t have to financially support, a man who has ambition.

Give yourself a chance to attract a man that is on your level. Someone who is self sufficient and can pay his own bills and maintain his own car.

You’ll never have a better relationship as long as you stay in the wrong one. So free yourself now, as hard as it may be, so that you can have true happiness in the future.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Dating With Daddy Issues

Posted on May 24, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There are some women who have a preference for dating older men while other women just “happen” into these relationships.

Majority of the time, women date older men that remind them of their fathers or who fulfill some fatherly role for them.

Although this happens more so with women who grew up without a father in their life, even women who did have a father growing up find themselves looking to an older man for certain qualities or support that a father would provide.

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Dating Older Men

The truth is, you shouldn’t be dating a man because he provides you with something you’re father never did or used to when he was alive.

Dating an older man can be tricky because sometimes you’ll find that older men play just as many games with your heart as younger men, except they’re much better at the game than any youngster out there!

Older men understand women much more and can easily use that to manipulate a younger woman’s mind and emotions.

You definitely need to understand whether your feelings for an older man are genuine or a by-product of missing or craving some fatherly like fulfillment in your life.

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“Aging Out”

When you date an older man you always have to worry about whether you’re going to “age out” of the relationship.

Meaning, you’ll constantly be stressing about whether you’re getting too old for your older man.He may just have a thing for younger women.

He may like the ease that comes with dating a younger, more naive person.

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Relationship Awareness

Just be cognizant of the reasons you and your older man want a relationship with each other.

Make sure it’s coming from a healthy place on BOTH sides!

Deal with your daddy issues and make sure you aren’t replacing your father with your boyfriend.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

He Can’t Complete You!

Posted on May 17, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Many women feel they need a man to “complete” them. They’ll say a man is their “better half” or “he completes me.”

But, the truth is, a man can’t complete you. Only you can complete you! Two halves won’t actually make a whole, so you need to feel whole with or without a man.

It’s unfair to yourself to base your completeness and happiness on whether you’re in a relationship.

And, if you do, you’ll be miserable when you’re single and possibly desperate for any man who will show you attention.

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What’s The Root of the Issue?

To say that a man completes you, is to say that you have some void in your life without a man.

You have to be complete on your own before entering a relationship or this could cause other serious issues with your boyfriend.

Ultimately, dependency issues may be at the root of needing a man to “complete” you. Are you clingy or needy in your relationships?

You may find yourself not wanting to do any activities without your boyfriend. Or, maybe you don’t want him to do any activities without you.

Either way, falling victim to this “he completes me” mentality may lead you to becoming unhealthily dependent on your boyfriend and relationship.

It’s time to start evaluating yourself. You need to figure out why you think you need a man to complete you.

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Self-Actualization

If you say that a man completes you, then you’re incomplete when he’s gone. What are you when your “better half” leaves?

Why aren’t you a complete person without a man?

Honestly think about these questions so that you can help yourself come to terms with the fact that you’re an amazing woman who doesn’t need any person to complete you!

You are and always will be a whole person. You were born as a complete woman and to allow yourself to think otherwise is absurd.

A man is meant to complement who you are, NOT complete you! Remember that!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Choose Your Battles Wisely!

Posted on May 10, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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I know we’ve all heard the saying, “Choose your battles wisely.” But, for many women their understanding of this statement is superficial.

There are very specific reasons why you have to choose your battles wisely.

For one, if someone feels like you’re always “nagging” them, they’ll get tired of it really quickly.

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The Urge To Push

Many times when women feel like there’s a problem with something their boyfriend is or isn’t doing, they will tell him about it and push him for change, over and over again.

The problem is, one day you’ll encounter a serious problem in your relationship and when you address it, he may be so tired of constantly being told about your problems with him that he won’t genuinely hear what you’re saying, whether it’s valid or not.

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Effect of Constantly “Nagging”

Even if he does hear you out, even if you’re problem is legitimate, he may be so fed up with all the “issues” you have that he won’t be motivated to change anything else. He may think that no amount of change will be enough for you.

Now, it’s not that a man doesn’t want to know about serious issues that you’re having with him, but the truth is, when you’ve brought up too many petty, unimportant issues it’s very difficult to be taken seriously.

While communication is key in any relationship, if you choose to focus on small things that you possibly should be learning to live with, you actually weaken your voice and hurt your chance of being listened to.

If you want to choose your battles wisely, start by evaluating whether your issue is really an issue. If it’s really not a big deal, let it go. If it is a big deal or even a deal breaker, definitely address it!

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Focus On One Issue

Often times when women are addressing an issue with their boyfriend, they bring up so many other issues at the same time, that it becomes extremely difficult for their boyfriend to understand “the point” and focus on the most important issue.

If you bring up multiple issues in one discussion, your boyfriend may heavily focus on the wrong issue and upset you even more by not “getting it.”

But, this isn’t necessarily his fault. When we tie in several different problems into one discussion, it can make it much harder to logically follow what the problem is.

You actually make it more difficult to solve any one problem when you bring up other unrelated issues.

Therefore, to get the best results, you can only address one issue at a time. But, you have to fight the urge to bring up another issue immediately after one is resolved.

Although you may have smoothly resolved one issue, going through more than one issue in a day isn’t wise.

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Positive Reinforcement

After you’ve resolved an issue with your boyfriend, thank him for listening to you. Thank him for opening up and honestly discussing his feelings.

Whether you think this is necessary or not, a small display of gratitude can go a long way.

Thanking your boyfriend for having an open, honest, productive conversation is positive reinforcement for him to do it again in the future.

You punish bad behavior, so you definitely need to reward good behavior. You should always show your boyfriend appreciation for his positive behavior.

Conclusion

Remember, if you’re always bringing up petty issues with your boyfriend, most likely, when you encounter a serious problem and bring it up, you’ll be tuned out and he may feel that you’ll always have some type of problem with him.

So, choose your battles wisely by only addressing important issues and focus on just one problem at a time.

You’ll find that it’s much easier to communicate and reach a happy resolution that way.

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Your Self-Confidence Can’t Depend on Him!!

Posted on May 3, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Unfortunately, many women who are hurt by men start feeling like they aren’t as pretty or smart as they really are.

Why is it that women tend to base their self-esteem and self-confidence on how men treat them or feel about them?

The hardships women face in dealing with men, frequently force women to rethink the way they feel about themselves and this isn’t right!!

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Dating Problems Are Just That

The problems you experience in dating are just that, dating problems and nothing more. These problems shouldn’t determine how you feel about yourself and your beauty!

When men have problems in their relationships, do you think they start questioning their self-worth?

Or do you think they take those problems for what they are and not let them turn into other self-esteem issues?

When you have problems in your dating life, you definitely need to do some deep thinking about what went wrong and how you may have contributed to those problems.

But, the last thing you need to start thinking is, “Am I not pretty enough? Skinny enough? Entertaining enough?”

You can’t let a man make you feel badly about those fundamental things about yourself. You felt beautiful when you first started dating him, right? So, why should you not feel beautiful when you stop dating him?

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His Games Shouldn’t Affect Your Self-Worth

Just because a man has chosen to play games with your heart or lead you on, doesn’t mean that you aren’t a great woman! A man’s issues shouldn’t lead you to have more issues of your own.

Take responsibility for the problems you caused or enabled in your relationships, but NEVER EVER think that you are any less of the smart, beautiful, caring woman that you were when he met you.

Your self-confidence should never be a reflection of how men feel about you!

Even if he cheats on you, you can’t start convincing yourself that you aren’t pretty.

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Maintain Your Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem is just that, SELF–esteem. It’s YOU that determines it, not a man and certainly not the world.

You have to know your worth and maintain your self-confidence no matter what you go through with men.

Now, I know it’s much easier to say don’t let men’s bad behavior affect your self-esteem than actually living it.

But, the truth is, you’re giving men way too much control over your emotional well-being and self-esteem by letting them dictate your level of self-confidence.

No matter what you go through in this world, know your worth and NEVER FORGET IT!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee!

No More Boomeranging!!

Posted on April 26, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Aside from ending a relationship because of cheating, abusiveness, and other serious deal breakers, there are certain things a woman must do before she decides to leave a man.

I firmly believe that a woman shouldn’t leave the man she is dating until she has tried everything within her power to make the relationship work.

Male or female, no one is perfect. We are all flawed in some way. We can change some things about ourselves, but not everything. It’s up to us to TRY and change those things that we can.

It’s better to give a relationship your all so you can leave with a clear mind. No one likes looking back on a relationship thinking, “Could I have done more to make it work?”

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Boomeranging

If a woman breaks up with a man before trying everything she can to make that relationship work, she’ll most likely look back on the relationship with regret or constantly wonder whether she made the right decision ending it.

And, when a woman is unsure of whether she made the right decision in breaking up with a man, it’s all too easy to end up back in that relationship. She may end up going back to him for round 2, 3, and maybe even 4!

Boomeranging with an ex is a huge waste of your dating time! If it didn’t work out the first time, the chances of it working out in round 2, 3, or 4 are even slimmer!

Instead of boomeranging with your exes, date them once, give it your all, and if it still doesn’t work, move on and NEVER look back!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Set A Cut-Off Date

If you’re considering leaving your relationship, but first want to try something new so you don’t look back with regret, you have to set a cut-off date for yourself!

Maybe you want to give it 2 months or maybe 6, depending on the depth of your issues. If your issue is waiting for your man to go back to school then 6 months is more reasonable than one or two.

But, never stay in a relationship for more than 2 years waiting for a ring, circumstances to change, or for your man to go back to school. Whatever your thing is, always have a cut-off date.

If you’re not happy by your cut-off date, cut your losses and end it!

You can’t try to make a relationship work indefinitely. Time flies and we’re only getting older.The sad truth is, it gets harder to find a good man and husband as we get older.

If you stay in a relationship too long after you should have left, you’re only hurting your chances of finding what you really want.

And, by staying in the wrong relationship for too long, you’ll still have regret over that relationship, but for a different reason.

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Make Positive Changes In Your Relationship

I’m not at all writing all this to say that you should stay with a man that’s isn’t right for you or treats you badly.

I’m just saying that if you aren’t completely happy in your relationship, you owe it to yourself to try to change what you’re unhappy about before jumping ship.

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Tips For Change

If you’re generally an impatient person, try showing more patience in your relationship. You can also try handling your disagreements differently.

Maybe you’re too aggressive or too submissive in disagreements. Find a balance and change up your usual approach.

When addressing your issues, use the word “I” instead of “You.” You’ll see that people are less defensive when you say “I feel…” as opposed to “You…”

Sometimes we get so used to talking to people or handling issues with them in a certain way that we continue that habit, whether it’s beneficial or not.

So, if you think you may have unanswered questions about your relationship that may lead you back to your man months or years down the line, then put some serious effort into handling things differently in your relationship now.

And, if it still doesn’t work, move on!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Stop Treating Your Boyfriend Like Your Husband!

Posted on April 19, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There’s a huge problem in dating that needs to be addressed. From the moment a relationship becomes exclusive, or even before this point, many women treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands.

Most of the time, you will see women do for their boyfriends what a wife does for her husband and this is not okay.

Unless there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat your boyfriend as if he is your husband!

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Playing Wife Is A Temporary Comfort

While “playing house” and “playing wife” may make you feel happier about your relationship because you exhibit that close, committed relationship held by a husband and wife, you don’t have the comfort and security that a marriage provides.

While you’re doing so much for your boyfriend to the point that you resemble the role his wife would take on, you’ll be disappointed to learn how easily and quickly a man can leave the relationship without batting an eye.

And, after the relationship ends, will you not sit there thinking, “Damn, I shouldn’t have done all that for him!” Or, “I cant believe he left me after everything I’ve done and given up for him!”

While these are legitimate questions, the real questions you need to ask yourself are, “Why did I treat this man like my husband?” “Why did I do so much for a man that wasn’t married to me?”

Instead of being the devoted wife in your next relationship, just be the girlfriend. And, know that this route will get you a ring quicker than if you act like there’s already a ring on your finger.

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The Benefits of Marriage Don’t Apply to Relationships

The root of some of your problems in dating may be the fact that you are going above and beyond the call of duty of a girlfriend.

The truth is, if a man wants ALL of you and wants you to do more than a girlfriend does for her boyfriend, then he needs to put a ring on it.

While many men will propose to women who treated them like husbands from day one, it will take you a lot longer to get a ring out of a man if you’re giving him all the benefits of a marriage without any of the accompanying obligations and commitments.

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Why Marry The Woman When You Can Get The Wife For Free?

Do you remember that old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

Well, it’s true! This applies to dating and not just sex. What will inspire or encourage a man to marry you if he already has all the perks of marriage without any of it’s other obligations or “hassles?”

If a man wants more than plain old boyfriend treatment, he’s going to have to earn it and he needs to ask you to be his wife!

Think about it though, how are you going to feel if you treat your beau like he’s your husband and he breaks up with you or leaves you for another woman? Will you not regret doing too much for him?

Don’t get caught up doing a lot more in a relationship than you should! At the end of the day, the only person who ever regrets doing this is the woman, not the man!

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Is Treating Your Boyfriend Like A Husband?

Well, there are many things that women do that reflects the role of a wife.

But, to give you an idea, it can include anything from playing house and regularly cleaning his place or doing his laundry to passing up great opportunities for the relationship.

The most significant aspect I’ve noticed women catering to men as husbands would be in their careers. For example, you could get a great job offer in another state, but choose to pass up on the opportunity to stay with your boyfriend.

I’ve seen too many women pass up on great career or business opportunities for men that had no intention of marrying them, let alone being together long-term.

As women, we can’t make decisions based on our boyfriend being in our lives and, if we do, it can really hold us back.

When it’s all said and done, no woman looks back and says, “You know, I’m glad I passed up that opportunity for him!” So, if you’re not married, you need to make decisions with only your own best interest at heart.

If a man is going to make a career or business decision, he does it, and without thinking, “Oh, I wonder if my girlfriend will be okay with this.” No, men do what they know is best for themselves and it’s time that women did the same!

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Until You’re Engaged, His Opinion Doesn’t Matter

If he’s not your husband, your opinion is the only one that matters.

I say this because 2-3 years down the line when you’re not with him, you too will think his opinion doesn’t matter. If he’s not going to be a part of your life permanently, then why would you make decisions based on him? Especially decisions that will have a lasting effect on your life.

If your boyfriend wants you to consider him when you’re making big decisions about your life, he needs to show you that he will always be a part of that life. And, he does this by asking you to marry him!

Remember to slow down and let the dating process and courtship happen naturally. Don’t force a more committed element in your relationship by playing wife. If he doesn’t want to play husband, you definitely shouldn’t play wife!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Men can’t just be friends with women!

Posted on April 12, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The question of whether men and women can just be friends is one that regularly comes up in conversations and opinions vary drastically on this topic.

My answer to whether men and women can maintain platonic friendships is slightly more complex than the common answers. It’s two fold, from the male perspective and from the female perspective. It’s definitely worth reading!

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Can MEN Just Be Friends With Women?

No! Men cannot just be friends with women. If a man starts being friends with a woman, most likely it’s because he hopes to have a sexual relationship down the line.

Men are not like women. They don’t meet a woman and think, “Hey! This is someone I can become good friends with!” When a man meets a women, friendship is not on his mind!

While women can easily meet men and think, “Hey, I don’t see myself with this guy, but we could definitely be friends,” men don’t think this way.

If a man isn’t interested in dating you, most likely, he isn’t going to start including you in his rotation of friends.

He May “Act” Like A Friend

Some men can put on a great act like they aren’t interested in sex at all and only want a friendship. But, if you decide you want to sleep with him, I bet you he won’t turn you down!

Although a woman may genuinely intend to have a platonic friendship with a man, a man’s mind is not in the same place!

A man’s ability to maintain a platonic friendship with a woman depends on two things: his character and how the woman feels about him. I’ll explain below…

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Can WOMEN Just Be Friends With Men?

It depends! Truthfully, there is only one scenario where a woman can just be friends with a man. This can only happen when the woman is not at all attracted to the man and is not interested in dating him.

When a woman isn’t attracted to a man and doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with him, she can easily maintain a platonic friendship with him.

So, a man can only maintain a platonic friendship with a woman if the woman does not want him at all. This is the only way!

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He Won’t Turn You Down

The truth is, if a woman makes an advance on a man nine times out of ten, he isn’t going to turn her down. So, if a woman is attracted to the man she is friends with, then their platonic relationship is likely to lose the “platonic” real quick!

If a woman definitely doesn’t want the man she is friends with, she:

1. Won’t make any moves on him; and

2. She’s likely to turn down his… unless she’s in a really low place..

Therefore, the only way a platonic friendship between a man and a woman can be maintained is if the woman is not attracted to the man and doesn’t want to be in a relationship with him.

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It Also Depends On His Character

Although the woman can’t be attracted to her male friend for a platonic friendship to work, the male friend also has to be mature and respectful in order to accept and maintain that platonic friendship.

A woman can be as uninterested in her male friend as she wants to be, but if he isn’t respectful enough to not make advances on her and respect her decision to NOT hook up with him, then a friendship in this situation wouldn’t last long either.

A male friend has to be mature enough to respect your decision not to be with him. If he can’t, then it’ll be a matter of time before the woman stops calling him to hang out.

Keep Your Hands To Yourself!?

It’s never fun being around a man that can’t keep his hands and lips to himself, especially when you just want to be friends with him!

However, there is a chance that a woman could reciprocate and help plant the seed to sprouting a friends with benefits situation, but that’s another topic altogether!

But, what’s your opinion? Do you think men and women can maintain platonic friendships? If so, under what circumstances? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments below!!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Let’s Talk About Sex…

Posted on April 5, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

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Sex can be a very taboo topic for some, but it’s one that must be addressed!

Many women consider themselves “free-spirited” and are very comfortable talking about sex. On the other hand, there are women who understand the intimacy of sex and know it’s not something to engage in or speak of lightly.

For the women that are of the belief that sex is “no big deal,” now is the time to rethink your position.

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Stop Talking About Sex On Dates

A lot of women recognize that they shouldn’t sleep with men until they are in an exclusive relationship, but many of these women think that it’s okay to talk about sex on the first few dates with men.

The truth is, most of the time, talking about sex on the first few dates is just as good as having sex on the first few dates.

It’s hard enough to keep men from thinking about just having sex with you, so when you make sex a point of conversation, you automatically trigger that part of the man’s mind that associates you with sex.

So, even if you aren’t having sex with a man, when you talk about it too soon, you may be pushing him towards categorizing you as a woman to just have sex with.

And, once you’re categorized into that sex box, there’s rarely any coming back from that.

Benefits of NOT Talking About Sex

By refraining from having conversations about sex, you force a man to think about you outside of the sexual aspects.

You force the man to actually get to know YOU and see if there could be a potential relationship. And, isn’t this what we want?

You don’t want a man to start thinking of the different ways he can try to sleep with you. Keep his mind out of the gutter and force him to get to know the person in the panties! 🙂

Disclaimer: Even if your conversations about sex are general and don’t actually involve you and him having sex, you still need to steer clear of this conversation topic!

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Sex

Sex is a very intimate act that should only happen between two people that are exclusively dating and trust each other.

Aside from the fact that Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are so prevalent, it’s important that you understand what your relationship with a man is before deciding to have sex.

A lot of times, women blindly jump into having sex with a man. They don’t know where they stand or how the man really feels about them and they don’t know if the man is having sex with other women.

When you have sex with a man without knowing that he wants to be in an exclusive relationship, you become anxious and nervous about where you stand in the man’s life.

How many times have you slept with a man then spent the next days or weeks stressing about whether the man still likes you, or wants to pursue a relationship, or whether he is still sleeping with other women?

Well, you won’t have to have these types of unnerving thoughts if you wait to have sex once you have both decided to be in an exclusive relationship.

And, if a man isn’t sure whether he wants to be in a relationship with you, then he is NOT deserving of your body!!

Why Wait To Have Sex?

There are 3 main reasons why you should wait a significant amount of time before having sex with a man:

1. You need to know where a man’s head is at and what his intentions with you are, is he lusting after you for sex or is he genuinely interested in getting to know you and pursuing a relationship and possibly marriage?

2. You don’t want to get categorized as easy and, therefore, not wife material; and

3. You need to give yourself enough time to evaluate whether this man is right for you!

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Don’t Be the Late Night Creep

If you wait until you are in a committed relationship to have sex, you will also weed out a lot of men that are only chasing after you for sex.

If a man’s interest and attention in you starts to dwindle before you’ve had sex with him, then you know where his interest truly lied and you can feel confident about moving on to other prospects without looking back!

No woman wants to be used for sex or be a man’s “late night creep.”

As much as “liberated” women say they don’t mind having casual relationships with men, when they find out that man is sleeping with other women, they never feel good about it.

Lying to Yourself Never Helps

You can lie to yourself all you want, but you never want the man your having sex with to have sex with other women.

Every woman wants to feel special and know that a man doesn’t want to sleep with any other woman, but when you have sex outside of a committed relationship, you don’t have this security.

When you sleep with a man without knowing what your relationship is, you essentially forfeit your right to say that you should be the only one he is sleeping with.

I actually had a woman tell me that she only wanted a casual relationship with a guy she was dating, so she was honest with him that she was dating other men. When he happily responded that it was cool and he would see other people too, she didn’t feel good about that.

You can only fool yourself for so long! You really don’t want the man you’re dating to sleep with other women.

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Don’t Get Labeled As “Just Sex”

If you have sex with a man too soon, he will label you as “just sex” and there won’t be a potential for a relationship. Once you’re labeled as just a person to just have sex with, there really is no possibility of being considered relationship material by that man.

The woman a man wants to be in a relationship with does not easily give up her body. And, if you give up your body easily for him, he will think you do it for every man.

Even if you felt a crazy deep connection with a man and thought the feelings were mutual, if you sleep with him too soon, he’ll still think that’s how you are with every other man.

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But He Says He Doesn’t Judge

If a man tells you that he won’t judge you for sleeping with him early on, DON’T believe it! A lot of times, men will tell you what you need to hear to drop your panties. He doesn’t actually believe what he is selling you.

When you jump right into sex, you essentially tell a man you are okay having sex with him and not being in a committed relationship.

When you do this, a man won’t be any more motivated to get in an exclusive relationship with you because he already has the best of both worlds.

He gets to sleep with you and probably get treated like a boyfriend without ever having to commit to you AND he still gets to sleep with other women! A win win situation for him and a big lose for you!

Image courtesy of Marin/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Do You Know If He’s Right For You?

You definitely shouldn’t be having sex with a man that you don’t know well.

If you’re interested in being in a relationship and you have sex with a man too soon, you wouldn’t know whether this is the type of man you would want to be in a relationship with and you may regret having sex with him after the fact.

While you may think you know someone based on the superficial things you’ve learned about them, you really don’t start to see who people really are until months into dating.

Don’t shortchange yourself by having sex too soon just to discover that this isn’t the type of man you would want in your life.

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee!

Stop Being The Victim!

Posted on March 29, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Photostocki / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ladies, we have to stop being the victim and take control of our dating lives!

Many times I hear women say, “ALL men are dogs” or “ALL men cheat.” But, the truth of the matter is ALL men AREN’T dogs and ALL men DON’T cheat.

Stop Blaming Men

You’re perception of what ALL men are is a by-product of who you have been choosing to date your whole life.

So, if you always pick the bad boy types who break your heart, of course you’ll always think ALL men are dogs, but that’s not actually the case. ALL the men YOU date are dogs!

Instead of thinking that all men are dogs that will hurt you, you need to be thinking that you aren’t going to let anymore dogs get close enough to hurt you.

Its about taking your power back and knowing that your circumstances and the outcomes of your relationships are largely due to the men you choose to date and let into your heart.

Image courtesy of Ambro/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Take Responsibility For Your Choices

We can’t blame all our problems in relationships on men. We have to take ownership of our part, which is getting into a relationship with a man we’d be unhappy with.

It’s time to take responsibility for the choices you have made in dating men and in accepting their bad behavior. Once you take responsibility for your part in the heartache, you can actually take steps towards changing how and who you pick to spend your time with and, ultimately, give your heart to.

You choose who you date, it should never be the other way around. A man shouldn’t be able to decide by himself that you are both in a relationship together.

Two people make the decision to enter a relationship, so, take ownership of your choices. If you continue to choose the same kind of man to date, you can’t expect different results in your relationships. Therefore, man bashing is definitely not the answer!

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Red Flags

Red flags are called red flags for a reason, they alert you that there is a problem, that something is not right. A red flag let’s you know that there is more going on than a man is willing to tell you.

Red flags are precious gifts to women! These are your signs that tell you whether this man is right for you. Red flags tell you more about someone and it’s your job to determine if that person deserves a place in your life.

You need to be able to spot red flags and make note of them because once a man has shown significant red flags, you have to evaluate whether continuing to date this person will make you happy.

When you learn to spot and access red flags, you’ll see that you’ll cut out a lot of unnecessary relationships that would have only caused you grief and heartache.

While you can continue to date men obliviously, you’d only be hurting yourself.

If you choose to ignore red flags and date any and every man freely, when you do get hurt, don’t start convincing yourself that “ALL men are dogs.” You don’t want this to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Let me explain…

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Self-Fullfilling Prophecy

If you tell yourself and your friends that, “all men are dogs,” you’ll actually believe that every single man is a dog and feel that you have to settle down with one of these men that won’t treat you well. This allows you to continue dating dogs and, therefore, continue being hurt by them.

You have to understand the power of your words, telling yourself that all men are dogs will ultimately limit the amount of effort you put into finding a good man.

In fact, you won’t put any effort into finding a good man because in your eyes, he doesn’t exist. And, before you know it, you’ve settled for a man that doesn’t treat you with respect.

Don’t inadvertently let your dating goal be an unhappy marriage!

Start being more positive about dating and only speak positively! You’ll be amazed at how a little positivity can make you feel a whole world better about dating.

Victim Mentality

We are not victims!

The victim mentality is thinking that you have no control over getting hurt. Granted, we can’t control all hurt, but we can eliminate unnecessary heartache.

Remember, men only do to us what we allow them to. So, if men keep hurting you, then you need to do some serious introspection and figure out why you keep dating men that hurt you.

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Save Yourself For a Good Man

Just because you haven’t found a “good man” to date, doesn’t mean you should settle and get into a relationship with any man that’s willing to!

Until that next great relationship comes along, try to work on yourself and keep dating!!!

Save yourself for a good man. You’ll be happy you did!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

One Thing That Kills A Potential Relationship is…

Posted on March 22, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of Imagerymajestic/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Too Much Information Too Soon

Too Much Information Too Soon (“TMITS”) can quickly kill a potential relationship or budding romance! It’s actually a red flag for some people.

TMITS can easily scare a man off! Have you ever been standing in line somewhere and the person next to you tells you their whole life story?

Well, did you all of sudden feel really close and connected to that person, or did you feel weirded out and anxious for the line to speed up so you could get out of there?

Of course, in these situations you feel more uncomfortable than closer to a person. And, that’s what it’s like with dating too!

If you tell a man too much information too soon before he gets a chance to enjoy your fun, light-hearted side, you can freak him out and make him weary of getting closer to you and your readily apparent issues!

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Courtship Is A Process

Courtship and dating is really a process. You can’t rush the process by sharing too much information too soon in an effort to force a deeper connection than there really is.

You have to let things happen naturally and in its own time. Trying to speed up the process and rush a relationship really isn’t wise.

When someone gets to know you, it’s supposed to happen over time, not overnight.

When you first meet and start dating a man, it shouldn’t be about sharing all your hardships or trials and tribulations. It’s supposed to be about seeing if you can enjoy your time with this person and get along well.

Never have a negative dish session about yourself and don’t give too much information on dates 1-5, at least.

Leave the deeper and more touchy subjects for when you’ve at least been on several dates. Dates one through five need to be all about enjoying each other’s company and learning those superficial things first, for instance, siblings, hobbies, likes, etc.

Conversations You Shouldn’t Have On Dates 1-5

1. Insecurities/Self-Esteem Issues

2. Past Relationships

3. Marriage

4. Death of Loved Ones

5. Religion

6. Politics

7. Things You Hate/Despise (You don’t want to come off as Negative-Nancy! No one likes a downer!)

8. Other serious or uncomfortable topics

Keep It Light

Stick to light-hearted topics on the first few dates.

If someone gives you all of themselves right there on the first dates, it’s A LOT to swallow and you may make some bad judgment calls about the person and whether a relationship would work. And, this is because they’ve given you too much to get past.

You may perceive them as having more negative characteristics or traits than you would want your partner to have, but because the person gave you too much information too soon, it disillusioned you about this person as a whole.

Someone can have a normal amount faults, but because they wore them on their sleeves, they gave off the impression that they were all flaws and nothing more.

Let Him Start Liking You

You should let a man get to know your great, positive side and like that about you before you start telling him all the negative things about yourself.

No person or relationship is perfect, but it’s seeing the good in someone and loving them for who they are that allows you to look past certain flaws.

You have to let a person start liking you before you get into some touchy or negative areas about yourself. People are more likely to overlook and accept flaws once they like someone.

However, very few people will overlook flaws in someone they barely know. Instead, they’d rather find someone who they think doesn’t have many problems, if any. But, remember, many people are good about revealing things slowly over time, men certainly are! So, why lose out to someone else who is better at taking things slowly?

Don’t ex yourself out of the game!!

The benefit of revealing information about yourself slowly is that these things won’t likely be a deal breaker down the line since the person will have grown fond of you.

Exception to the Rule

Now, there are some situations when sharing too much information too soon won’t actually scare a man off, but this doesn’t mean that you should continue to share TMITS.

There’s a small, special breed of men that like women with issues or problems. This is because this man wants to take the woman under his wing, dominate her, fix her up, and make her into the woman he wants for himself.

These are the so-called “Svengali” types. With this kind of man, too much too soon might get you more attention than you thought.

However, it’s not positive attention. This man will never cherish you for who you are. Instead, he will constantly criticize you and tell you all the different things you need to change about yourself.

He doesn’t actually want YOU, he wants to mold you into a different person he will be happy with. And, in turn, you will never be happy in this relationship.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You Won’t Be Happy With A Svengali

Ya, sure, maybe in the beginning you’ll love all the extra attention and the clothes he buys for your new wardrobe, which fits the image he wants, of course.

But, after awhile of someone beating you down about who you are and trying to change everything about you, you’ll more so resent the man rather than feeling genuine love for him.

Eventually, you’ll fall out of love or fail to fall in love in the first place.

Even if you do allow a man to get to know you slowly over time, you still need to avoid a man who wants to “fix you up” and change everything about you.

You deserve a man that will appreciate and love you for the person that you are! If a man can’t, then he’s just not deserving of you!

Be Kind To Yourself And Others Will Too

If you’re kind to yourself, others will treat you the same. There’s always an exception to every rule, but for the most part, if you treat yourself with respect you’ll see that less people will disrespect you.

Treating yourself well and being kind to yourself also means not letting anyone else treat you poorly. Set standards for yourself and don’t change yourself into a different woman for a man, if it’s not change for the good.

I have to make a distinction between unnecessary changes a Svengali type would want you to make and necessary positive changes that promote a healthy relationship and a healthy you!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee

Consistency and Dating – the Long Term Relationship Indicator

Posted on March 16, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Consistency in a man provides comfort while inconsistency inspires insecurity, fear, and anxiety over the relationship among other things.

Coach Suzie

What makes relationships last? Why it’s consistency of course … you thought I would say love and affection didn’t you? Well, it’s those things too … along with friendship, respect. trust and attraction. But, I’d like to argue that consistency is the most important thing … it’s consistency in all those things … love, affection, attraction, friendship, respect, trust, etc etc. No one wants to ride a roller coaster ride of ups and downs in their relationship. They want to know that their partner is always there when they need them, especially in the hard times. So why is consistency and dating the long term relationship indicator? Because, well, I’ll tell you.

Choosing Your Partner Wisely

I’ve said many times before that forever has everything to do with your choice of partner, which is absolutely true. You need to choose wisely. Part of choosing wisely is knowing if this…

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You Attract What You Put Out There!

Posted on March 15, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Image courtesy of stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ladies, how many times have you been hit on by a man in public and thought to yourself, “I can’t believe this unkempt sweatpants-wearing man has the nerve to hit on me!!”

Have you been approached by men in a wife beater and sweatpants and wondered why he thought he could get your phone number?

We’ve all been here before. But, the most important question is, what am I doing, wearing, or putting out there to attract these kind of men?

Always remember, you attract what you put out there!

You Attract What You Reflect

If you leave your house in sweatpants and a wife beater, don’t be mad when a man in sweats and a wife beater hits on YOU!

You can’t expect that you’ll attract a businessman in a suit when you’re wearing sweatpants.

The next time you’re picking an outfit to wear out, whether for a date or otherwise, ask yourself, “would the type of man I want to date go for a woman dressed like this?”

If you wear clothes that show a lot of breasts and skin, you will definitely get attention from men, but it won’t be the kind of attention that you want.

Most men will go after a woman that is dressed like she’s “easy,” however, he’s going after her for sex and nothing more. He won’t be interested in developing a long term relationship with someone he only sees as a late night creep option.

Image courtesy of Patrisyu/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Skin Rule

When getting dressed, always remember that you can only show ONE of the following, if any:

1. Cleavage

2. Midriff

3. Legs

4. Back

Avoid Being Labeled “Just Sex”

You can only show off one of these assets at a time if you are going to show off anything at all. If you show both breasts and legs, for example, you will come off as extremely “sexified.”

Even if you think you’ve shown more than one area of skin tastefully, rethink your choices because you’re probably still attracting negative male attention.

On the first few dates, be more on the conservative side in your dress. Better that he think you’re more reserved than you really are than to think you’re just good for sex.

At the end of the day, there’s NO BOUNCING BACK once a man places you in the “just sex” category. Once a man labels you as a sex object, that’s all you’ll ever be!

Yes, there are exceptions to the rule that once a man see’s you as sex, that’s all you’ll ever be. But, exceptions are rare and we can’t all be exceptions to the rule! 😉

Get The Respect You Deserve

Many men already think that women are just sex objects to be used and discarded, so this means that we have to try even harder to not get labeled as such.

While some men may never respect women, there are plenty of men that will show you the respect you deserve, as long as you are showing yourself that same respect FIRST!

Start dressing for what you want the universe to bring you. The clothes that you wear say a lot about who you are! Control the image and perception you are putting out there about yourself.

Be cognizant and aware of the outfits that you are choosing to wear and how you are carrying yourself. Whether you’re going to work, a date, or out with friends, you need to pick your attire cautiously.

If you want to continue dressing freely, that’s fine, but don’t be upset when you get a lot of unwanted attention from sleazy men!

Image courtesy of Anankkml/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What Does Your Wardrobe Say About You?

It’s honestly true that you attract what you reflect. At the same time, if you have serious self-esteem issues and they come out in the way you dress and the way you carry yourself, men WILL notice this!!

Actually, men easily pick up on the fact that a woman is insecure or lacks self-confidence.

So, if you walk down the street with your shoulders hunched over and your head hanging low, you could give off a vibe that says, “Hey! I have no self-esteem or confidence so any men who want to take advantage of me or control me are welcome!”

Don’t get me wrong, every once in a while you will still have some unwanted stragglers hit on you, but there won’t be nearly as many when you’re dressing appropriately and carrying yourself respectfully.

Start Being Mindful Of How You Carry Yourself

Don’t wear clothes that you are uncomfortable in. When you wear clothes you aren’t comfortable in, you fidget and constantly adjust your clothes. Doing this actually draws more attention to the areas that you’re insecure about.

The truth is, when you aren’t comfortable in your clothes, you can’t be confident in what you do whether it’s being on a date, in the boardroom, or even in front of a camera.

Don’t let your clothes take away your self-confidence!

If you’re constantly focused on adjusting your clothes or how you’re sitting, you can’t be focused on the conversation you’re having. You won’t be “in the moment.”

This isn’t a good thing. People can tell when you’re not giving them your full attention and that’s not an exciting conversation to be in.

Being Comfortable Empowers You!

Honestly, when you’re comfortable, you can be yourself and you can enjoy the company you’re with or the activity you’re doing.

Being comfortable equals being confident. But, being uncomfortable can bring out several bad traits such as pessimism, unwillingness to participate in certain activities, and many other negative attributes.

You’ll EMPOWER YOURSELF by being comfortable! So, wear the clothes that make you feel comfortable, confident, and in control!

Let a man get to know you for who you really are and not for your insecurities.

If you’ve gained weight and you’re reluctant to buy clothes one or two sizes bigger, you’re really only doing yourself a disservice because while you’re pulling your shirt down and pulling your pants up, you’re letting someone know that your insecure and unhappy with yourself.

But, I want to hear your thoughts on this topic! Leave your thoughts and comments below!! Thanks for reading!

For more great dating advice, get my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve.

Till Next Time,

Dee!

Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts?

Posted on March 8, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Ladies, how many times have you been dating a guy and while it seems it’s going well because you’re hearing from him everyday or every other day, all of a sudden he disappears and you hear nothing for days or a week?

Well, this is a huge RED FLAG!!!

Consistency is Key!

Listen carefully ladies: Consistency is KEY!! Consistency lets you know that a man is who he is claiming himself to be.

A man’s words must align with his actions!

If a man makes promises that he doesn’t fulfill, or a man says he operates one way, but actually does something else, take this as a sign and red flag that this man is NOT who he claims himself to be.

Write The Script and He’ll Play The Part

Many men play “roles” for women. To be clearer, men play the part they think you want them to play in order to get what they want from you!

Let me explain. Say you meet a man and on the first or second date you let him know that your ex never told you that you are beautiful and he never opened doors for you. What will happen is: The man will start telling you that you’re beautiful and opening doors for you.

Why? Because you’ve let him know the role you wanted him to play. You fed him the lines for his character. Your ex didn’t do so and so, therefore, you want him to do or say these things.

Don’t Give Him A Character To Play

While many women see this kind of information sharing as just a way to share themselves and allow a man to get to know them and their past experiences, some men actually take these conversations as “you need to do this if you want to be with me.”

Don’t tell a man what your ex did that you disliked. Why?? So that you can see how this man will actually treat you on his own without prompting from you!

Stop feeding men the lines and roles that you want them to play and let them SHOW you who they will be with you.

Where Does This Come From?

Early on in my dating life, I picked up on the fact that men would try to mimic (not genuinely) the dating preferences I shared with them. This made me more cognizant of the past relationship experiences that I decided to share with new men I dated.

However, it wasn’t until I read the book, “Play or Be Played,” that I realized that this was all a kind of game. This book has great wisdom for women and you should read it at least twice!!!

And, I wasn’t paid or induced to endorse or promote this book. I just have genuine love for it!

While some of you may say, well isn’t it a good thing if he starts playing that role and doing the things your exes didn’t do?? WRONG!!!!

The Role Is Not A Man’s Genuine Self

In fact, a man will play this role, however, he can’t and won’t play this role forever. Most men will start showing their true colors around the 3 month mark. For some reason men can’t seem to keep an act alive for much longer than a few months.

But, it makes sense because its hard to act like a different person or maintain a facade for an extended period of time. This is why you will see a lot of women with 3 month rules, because they understand that you really see who a person is a few months after you’ve met them.

The 3 Month Rule

Now, the 3 month rule does run you the risk of having a man play that “role” more extensively in order to pass your 3 month test. So, if you decide to use the 3 month rule:

1. Be cautious,

2. Keep your eyes open,

3. Listen carefully, and

4. Don’t prompt a man to do what you want him to do, instead, let him show you who he is!!!

*REMEMBER THIS:*

When a person shows you who they are, believe it! Stop trying to rationalize a man’s erratic or bad behavior, especially if he isn’t even trying to explain or apologize for his actions himself.

Bringing you back to my original point, if you normally hear from the man you are dating every day or every other day, but there are times that he disappears for days or even weeks at a time and you are unable to reach him, take this as a serious red flag and proceed with extreme caution because there may be a whole lot more to the picture that you don’t see!

Regardless of whether you can confirm that a man’s disappearing act is due to him being with other women or not, you have to evaluate whether this man is right for you based on his actions as a whole, based on the big picture.

To clarify, whether or not you know if this man is seeing other women or is just bad with his phone (rare these days) you have to ask yourself, do I want to be with a man that can disappear for days at a time without communicating or responding to my calls or texts??

It’s A Choice, Not First Come First Served

Unfortunately, many women are so eager to have a man and/or get married that they are ready to seriously date or marry any man that comes into the picture.

However, we can’t be this lax! We have to evaluate EVERY man individually to determine whether this is the kind of man that we really want to be with and who is actually good for us!

This is what you need to ask yourself to determine whether to proceed!

Stop taking any man as they come and start taking control of your dating life. If you pull back from men that exhibit serious red flags, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of heartache and months of recuperating!

Oddly enough, many women are happy to be in relationships that they KNOW aren’t going anywhere. But, wait, there is something they don’t realize.

Unnecessary Relationship = Unnecessary Heartache

By being in an unnecessary relationship, women will take on emotional baggage from this relationship and it could become harder to maintain healthy dating habits in the future.

To put it simpler, by being in an unnecessary or bad relationship, you’ll probably have attitude or negative feelings towards the next several men you encounter and, therefore, someone who may have been a great match for you may be put off by your negative attitude or pessimistic conversations that are really just a result of the trials and tribulations from your previous relationship, which you had no business being in!

Just some food for thought! Start paying attention to red flags because when someone shows you who they are, there is no rationalizing you can do to change them.

Be kind to your body and mind, don’t rack your brain trying to make excuses for a man. If you find yourself doing this, it may be time to move on!

If you’ve been a victim of the disappearing act, I want to hear your story or your thoughts! BUT, remember ladies, after the third time of having a man pull the disappearing act on you, you’re no longer a victim. Instead, you’re a willing participant!

Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice and it’s shame on me!!

If you have any thoughts on the “disappearing act,” please leave your comments below, I love hearing your perspective!

For more great dating advice, check out my book: Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve

Till Next Time,

Dee

8 Things Guys Secretly Love

Posted on March 6, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

James Michael Sama

Whether a guy is just starting to date a woman or is in a committed relationship with her, there are small things that she may do without thinking twice that guys secretly love.

While there are many, here are eight to start.

Laying your head on his chest.

When laying on the couch watching TV or laying in bed after a long day, it’s one of the best feelings when a woman lays her head down on your chest and puts her arm over you.

As men, we enjoy feeling as though we are being protective, and this signifies that she feels safe in our arms.

When you text him first.

There is a lot of pressure on guys to always initiate conversation. Sometimes he may not know if he’s being too pushy or texting too much – he might overthink it and not text you at all, which could…

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8 Acts Of Chivalry To Bring Back

Posted on March 4, 2014 by Dee's Dating Diary

Finally, a man concerned about bringing chivalry back!! Support the New Chivalry Movement!!!

James Michael Sama

The more women I talk to, the more I realize that the gentleman is a rare breed. The mission of the New Chivalry Movement is to bring men (and women) together who strive to be the best versions of themselves and love and respect those around them.

As the gentleman has become less prominent, so have the respectful acts that define him.

Here are 8 acts of chivalry we often overlook and should work to bring back.

Giving up your seat.

Whether on a bus or on a crowded subway, giving up your seat to another is a rare but great sign of respect. I always cringe a bit when I see a woman or elderly person forced to stand while young men remain distracted by their phones. It all comes down to being aware of your surroundings and acting accordingly.

Only one in seven men will offer their seat…

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